Jan. 18th, 2011

grrgoyl: (equus)
What's new with me this week? Well, for twelve nail-biting hours there was a chance I would be jetting off to New York to see Rickman in a play.

He's not on Broadway, but rather off- (off-?) Broadway at BAM performing "John Gabriel Borkman," an Ibsen play about a corrupt banker just released from prison trying to plan his strategy in the new economy. Sounds terribly dry and talky, but hey, Rickman -- as has been said in the past, the man could read a grocery list and enthrall an audience.

The play sort of snuck under my radar. I had read murmurings about it over at [livejournal.com profile] alanrickman, but I sort of just ignored it. I think that proves how well I've trained my mind to avoid the thought of spending any money that isn't on a bill or groceries. And with good reason; once upon a time I did think almost nothing of flying across the country for a two-day trip to see a naked Harry Potter. Make no mistake, it was worth every penny, but those were my young, carefree days before medical bills and sweating about paying mortgage next month.

Just to reassure myself, I peeked at the website. Yep, tickets were $80, on top of plane fare. Totally out of the question.

Then [livejournal.com profile] swankyfunk announced she got a ticket. I thought that was great, at least I could live vicariously through her (as I very often do). She attended, and even got an autograph at the stage door (no picture with him though; her CelebMojo™ was only at about 75% that night). I could have wept with jealousy. To not only have been in the theater and breathed the same air as him, but then to come face to face with him -- it would have been too much for me. I doubt I would have had the courage to actually say anything, nervous about it turning into a hysterical fangirl tirade, but she has met enough stars at this point to save the squeeing for afterwards.

I was going to think nothing of it again until she casually mentioned she might go back for a weekday performance, when tickets were only $25. WHAT.

Suddenly it seemed the only obstacle was air fare. I clicked over to Kayak.com, to learn that a flight into Newark from Denver would be only $180, and the train into the city only $1.50. This was when my heart started racing. Suddenly very, very attainable.

I'll spare you the stress I endured for the twelve hours when the idea seemed tantalizingly within reach. Ultimately too many factors weighed against me. First, it was do-able, but would certainly make next month's mortgage payment a bit too close to the skin of my teeth. Second, M. didn't have room for me to crash at her place. I might have used Tery's brother's couch again, but I wasn't comfortable doing that the first time and that was with several months of planning ahead. Third, getting the time off so quickly, even for just a day or two, would be no picnic -- my employer tends to prefer about 30 days' notice. Fourth, and probably biggest of all, the sheer amount of traveling required; round trip on a plane with a layover in both directions, train trip to and from the city, subway to Tery's brother, subway to M., all in the dead of winter with unpredictable weather conditions. Way, way too many chances for something to go wrong, and just writing it out exhausts me.

Funny, I'll think nothing of climbing a mountain alone and then barreling back down it on two wheels, but the thought of navigating New York for more than one leg of a journey terrifies me.

[livejournal.com profile] kavieshana, safe in her midwest home, egged me on and questioned how much of a fan I was. I would have done exactly the same thing in her shoes.

Of course, the most compelling reason to do it is Rickman and the fact that he isn't getting any younger. It's horrible to say it, but every week when I get my issue of "Entertainment Weekly" I scan the obits section hoping not to see his name. Morbid, but hardly irrational, particularly with the past couple of years' worth of celebrity deaths both young and old. I've never been obsessed with an actor his age before. It will be devastating.

At any rate, today the decision was taken away from me once and for all when air fares bounced back up to $300+. Thank god, because the stress of wondering if I made the right decision was taking its toll.

So will there be another opportunity to see him on stage? God, I hope so. M. seems optimistic, though it seems lately he's been more interested in directing than acting. We'll see. Hopefully if/when it happens I'll be in a better place financially to jet off at a moment's notice. And M. will have a couch for me ;)

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December 2011

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