![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Parade of Homes pt tres (since I don't know how to spell French for "three")
MyFriendDeb and I returned to the Parade of Homes this year. The parade this time was not held in a "community" like last year's Pradera, but rather it was hosted by "Reunion, CO." I put it in quotes because when I asked Tery where the hell Reunion was, she told me it was one of these new fake towns going up everywhere on the outskirts of Denver and Aurora.
Ahhhh, Reunion, CO (which is actually a township or something in Commerce City, CO, best known for its foul-smelling industrial smokestacks). What a welcoming name, with streets like "Heartland Drive" and "Unity Street" (I'm not making this up). All they need is for John Cougar Mellencamp to move in to complete the image. It doesn't get more American pie, good old family values than this (except that the town is built on what used to be farmland and is about 5 miles from Denver International Airport). It does look like Main Street, USA. Sadly, the houses on the parade this year were just about as nondescript.
So nondescript that, despite finally remembering a camera after taking the tour two years in a row, I ultimately took pictures mostly of the bizarre kooky things that rich folks are putting in their houses these days.
Before I start with the photos, a brief mockery of the program is in order. The first house listed (and the last we toured) was called "Villa Inspirata," which is actually Italian for "inspired villa," the guidebook felt the need to point out. Huh. Those crazy I-talians. Whereas I can't dispute the "villa" part, the "inspirata" half might have been a little overconfident. Maybe I was just grouchy because my feet hurt. I also took exception to "The Circle of Life," which, despite implying a decor inspired by nature or at the very least Africa thanks to Elton John and Walt Disney, actually had a coldly modern and frankly 70's-ish bachelor pad retro decor that I didn't care for one bit. I was angry at whoever named the house for the false advertising. This name at least wasn't as silly as "La Grande Cannoli," because according to the book, "There's only one description for this home and it's 'delicious'." (Tery asked if the house was cream-filled.) Lastly, the write-up for "The Torciano" actually says "This is the Parade of Homes' only two-story home." We read this after exiting the house next to it, where we distinctly remembered two stories. Our puzzlement grew as we leafed through the remaining floor plans, all of which clearly indicated two stories in every single house. "Perhaps they have a different definition of 'story'?" I volunteered. This outlandish claim on the part of The Torciano remains a mystery. If any of the editors of the PoH program happen to be reading, explain yourselves please.
Now, onto the photos, thoughtfully resized for your connection speed pleasure.
First, the not-so-mock-worthy. One of the few features of distinction in these homes proved to be the sinks, which fascinated Deb:
Of course, Deb was similarly fascinated by the walls. Anything with the slightest hint of texture kept her glued to the spot for a good 10 minutes. Our 18-year-old cat Polo stares at walls like this too. I don't understand either of them.
We didn't care for this bathroom. The glass shelving to the left there reminded us too strongly of the Neiman Marcus gift department. You don't know stress until you try holding a $900 piece of crystal one-handed so you can scan the barcode.
In lieu of a home theater, this house had a gameroom with 4 plasma TVs and 8 leather gaming chairs with built-in speakers and joysticks. Who wouldn't rather have a home theater?
Lacking any explanation as to what exactly these solar panels were hooked up to, we could only assume they were powering the brick wall they were mounted on.
Don't be fooled by this garage door. When I'm paying millions for a house, I'd prefer an actual wooden door, not a wallpapered-to-look-like-a-wooden door.
One of the homes had a guest house built into the archway over the entry court. I spotted this photo on the bedside table. We couldn't decide if it was because Peter Gallagher often came to stay with the family, or just in case he might someday.
...which was still not as disturbing as this bedside photo of a creepily dead-looking baby.
This house had a great feature -- a cozy little step-up reading nook in the den surrounded by bookshelves. Looks very stately and dignified, no?
No.
One house had a urinal in the garage. I thought it was for when you got home and just couldn't make it into the house to go. Tery tells me it's for the hubby drinking in the garage on the sly. In the house after this there was a bathroom with a waist-high partition separating the toilet from the sink area. I said, "You know, for some modicum of privacy when you're peeing and everyone keeps traipsing in and out to wash their hands." To which Deb replied, "Can't you go in the garage like everyone else??!!?!!!?"
Speaking of toilets, why these two? Because these were positioned directly opposite each other across a short hallway into the master bath in one house. Are there really couples with bladders so synchronized that can't hold it long enough to wait their turn? And this happens so often that it makes perfect sense to have TWO toilets facing each other?
Those wacky, wacky rich people.
Finally a picture post wouldn't be complete without some critters. I won't bother cutting these because they're tiny and cute and I want everyone to see them.
Blackjack, the Sheltie that could power a small city with his excess energy.
My Beanzy. Who could ever think he was nasty?
Finally, my gay, gay Xandir. While in the hospital overnight for an infection (he's fine now), he didn't have Gideon to lick so he settled for this Petco baby instead. We might have adopted the baby if Petco hadn't picked him up.
Ahhhh, Reunion, CO (which is actually a township or something in Commerce City, CO, best known for its foul-smelling industrial smokestacks). What a welcoming name, with streets like "Heartland Drive" and "Unity Street" (I'm not making this up). All they need is for John Cougar Mellencamp to move in to complete the image. It doesn't get more American pie, good old family values than this (except that the town is built on what used to be farmland and is about 5 miles from Denver International Airport). It does look like Main Street, USA. Sadly, the houses on the parade this year were just about as nondescript.
So nondescript that, despite finally remembering a camera after taking the tour two years in a row, I ultimately took pictures mostly of the bizarre kooky things that rich folks are putting in their houses these days.
Before I start with the photos, a brief mockery of the program is in order. The first house listed (and the last we toured) was called "Villa Inspirata," which is actually Italian for "inspired villa," the guidebook felt the need to point out. Huh. Those crazy I-talians. Whereas I can't dispute the "villa" part, the "inspirata" half might have been a little overconfident. Maybe I was just grouchy because my feet hurt. I also took exception to "The Circle of Life," which, despite implying a decor inspired by nature or at the very least Africa thanks to Elton John and Walt Disney, actually had a coldly modern and frankly 70's-ish bachelor pad retro decor that I didn't care for one bit. I was angry at whoever named the house for the false advertising. This name at least wasn't as silly as "La Grande Cannoli," because according to the book, "There's only one description for this home and it's 'delicious'." (Tery asked if the house was cream-filled.) Lastly, the write-up for "The Torciano" actually says "This is the Parade of Homes' only two-story home." We read this after exiting the house next to it, where we distinctly remembered two stories. Our puzzlement grew as we leafed through the remaining floor plans, all of which clearly indicated two stories in every single house. "Perhaps they have a different definition of 'story'?" I volunteered. This outlandish claim on the part of The Torciano remains a mystery. If any of the editors of the PoH program happen to be reading, explain yourselves please.
Now, onto the photos, thoughtfully resized for your connection speed pleasure.
First, the not-so-mock-worthy. One of the few features of distinction in these homes proved to be the sinks, which fascinated Deb:
Of course, Deb was similarly fascinated by the walls. Anything with the slightest hint of texture kept her glued to the spot for a good 10 minutes. Our 18-year-old cat Polo stares at walls like this too. I don't understand either of them.
We didn't care for this bathroom. The glass shelving to the left there reminded us too strongly of the Neiman Marcus gift department. You don't know stress until you try holding a $900 piece of crystal one-handed so you can scan the barcode.
In lieu of a home theater, this house had a gameroom with 4 plasma TVs and 8 leather gaming chairs with built-in speakers and joysticks. Who wouldn't rather have a home theater?
Lacking any explanation as to what exactly these solar panels were hooked up to, we could only assume they were powering the brick wall they were mounted on.
Don't be fooled by this garage door. When I'm paying millions for a house, I'd prefer an actual wooden door, not a wallpapered-to-look-like-a-wooden door.
One of the homes had a guest house built into the archway over the entry court. I spotted this photo on the bedside table. We couldn't decide if it was because Peter Gallagher often came to stay with the family, or just in case he might someday.
...which was still not as disturbing as this bedside photo of a creepily dead-looking baby.
This house had a great feature -- a cozy little step-up reading nook in the den surrounded by bookshelves. Looks very stately and dignified, no?
No.
One house had a urinal in the garage. I thought it was for when you got home and just couldn't make it into the house to go. Tery tells me it's for the hubby drinking in the garage on the sly. In the house after this there was a bathroom with a waist-high partition separating the toilet from the sink area. I said, "You know, for some modicum of privacy when you're peeing and everyone keeps traipsing in and out to wash their hands." To which Deb replied, "Can't you go in the garage like everyone else??!!?!!!?"
Speaking of toilets, why these two? Because these were positioned directly opposite each other across a short hallway into the master bath in one house. Are there really couples with bladders so synchronized that can't hold it long enough to wait their turn? And this happens so often that it makes perfect sense to have TWO toilets facing each other?
Those wacky, wacky rich people.
Finally a picture post wouldn't be complete without some critters. I won't bother cutting these because they're tiny and cute and I want everyone to see them.
Blackjack, the Sheltie that could power a small city with his excess energy.
My Beanzy. Who could ever think he was nasty?
Finally, my gay, gay Xandir. While in the hospital overnight for an infection (he's fine now), he didn't have Gideon to lick so he settled for this Petco baby instead. We might have adopted the baby if Petco hadn't picked him up.