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At last! Pan's Labyrinth. As well as more Tales from the Kennels.
The tale of seeing Pan's Labyrinth would not be complete without the tale surrounding the journey to see it. I had worked the night before and it started snowing at about 4 am. The roads were pretty miserable coming home, and after sleeping a mere 4 hours I looked outside to see near white-out conditions. My phone call to Ryan was in the form of a challenge: "Are we still on, or are you afraid of a little snow?" He wasn't, we were, and that's why I love him so.
Frightening, nerve-wracking weather. "You're just going to have to give me the ticket, officer, because if I stop at this light I'm not convinced I'll be able to move again" weather. The roads were covered with a foot of accumulated snow with barely-discernible tracks from previous motorists to follow. Apparently if the city isn't expecting a storm, it takes about 24 hours to mobilize plows (and being Sunday didn't help much either). We cursed at stupid SUVs in unison. We devised back-up plans should we become stuck. It was the kind of fun that can only be had in a shared life-threatening situation.
You would think that people who loved movies enough to brave these conditions could resist the urge to whip out their cell phone and check their messages mid-movie, and be better suited to tolerate a 2-hour running time without dancing in the seats. You would be wrong.
Anyway, without further ado I give you Pan's Labyrinth:
It's taken me some time to piece together my thoughts on the film, not only because the stressful, white-knuckle drive home combined with 4 hours of sleep quickly took its toll on me once I curled up on the couch, but because I have to admit I didn't love it as unconditionally as I thought I would, and it bothered me that I couldn't put my finger on why. This morning the answer came to me: It isn't the movie it sells itself to be. The fascism:fantasy ratio in the trailer vs. the film is directly inverted. Oh, it starts off promisingly enough, with gorgeous cinematography and first-class special effects (adhering to my personal rule that CGI is best viewed in very dim light to conceal glaringly obvious digital elements). The real-world setting is established and little Ofelia is off to explore the titular labyrinth. However, about halfway through suddenly the Labyrinth and Pan are seemingly forgotten and it becomes all about the struggle between the cruel Capitán/stepfather and the rebel forces hiding in the woods. Ofelia disappears into the background and the focus shifts to Mercedes, the Capitán's maid and rebel spy. It's still a great story, just not really what I paid to see.
Ofelia and her widowed mother travel to the mountains to live with their new stepfather/husband. The journey is hard, especially on her very pregnant mother, and is made only at the insistence of the Capitán, who places an inordinate amount of significance on having his son born with him. In fact, it's pretty apparent from the get-go that the Capitán doesn't care half as much about his new wife, or women in general, as he does for his unborn son. From the moment she steps out of the car at the outpost, he demands she is confined to a wheelchair despite her assurance that she doesn't need one. To him she is only a carrier, a vessel for the all-important male offspring. Yep, I'll bet he's VERY big with the ladies.
His relationship with his own father is somewhat murkier. He carries around a broken pocketwatch, which we eventually learn his father smashed on a rock in the Civil War so his son would know the exact time of his death, but in conversation he denies this tale (probably because it's told very smugly by a dinner guest with the implication that his father was a brave man, unlike the Capitán. Proving once again that you catch more flies (or fascist military leaders) with honey than vinegar).
If the Capitán is utterly ambivalent about women, it's far better than how he treats his enemies, real or perceived. This is demonstrated almost immediately with the casually brutal executions of two farmers accused of rebel activity (wrongly, it turns out, though we get the feeling the Capitán won't lose much sleep over the error). Yes, the Capitán is a bad, bad man, there is no doubt. He acts with extreme, unthinking violence and inhuman cruelty, but thankfully most of the time we see only the aftermath rather than the actual details.
Ofelia is left with a lot of free time, between her mother being bedridden and the Capitán choosing to ignore her very existence, so she explores the labyrinth near the outpost. She meets Pan, a sinister-looking faun who tells her she is the reincarnation of a long-dead princess of the underworld, but sets her three tasks to prove that she hasn't succumbed to being mortal. The first she pulls off without a hitch (though at the cost of a fine new dress her mother wanted her to wear for the Capitán, which to Ofelia only helps in her plan to defy him at every turn). The second one is a near success until she suddenly forgets the one simple rule she was given (don't eat anything from the feast laid out in the alternate world -- echoes of the Greek myth of Persephone abound). Incredibly stupid child, or just willful? You decide, but it's enough to make Pan wash his hands of her and creates an excuse for him to vanish for the next 30 minutes.
The Capitán's watch suddenly starts ticking again, and, like the clock swallowed by Captain Hook's crocodile, seems to serve as a reminder through the rest of the movie that his time is running out. He pieces the clues together to identify both his doctor and Mercedes as rebels. The one he kills summarily; the other he intends to torture, but thanks to his incredible hubris in underestimating womenfolk and his pompous, long-winded "These are the instruments I'm going to use on you" speech, she cuts through her bonds and stabs him, also slicing his cheek open in a wicked, 6-inch gash. "You are not the first pig I've gutted" she whispers, and I wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer. She doesn't kill him though, and after performing a little self-surgery (ooooh, too bad you killed your doctor!) he and his men give chase.
Oh yeah, somewhere in here Ofelia's baby brother is born (her mother dies; again, no tears shed by the singleminded Capitán) and we are temporarily reminded of her presence in the movie when Pan relents and decides her third task will be to save him. The wrapping up of this plot isn't nearly as satisfying as the conclusion of the true subject of the movie: the Capitán emerges from the labyrinth after killing Ofelia, only to be surrounded by rebel fighters. His final wish is that his son be told great things about him, but he is cut off in mid-request by Mercedes -- "He will not even know your name" -- and shot right through the eye. The worst possible end imaginable for a man who cares only about his son and his legacy. Again, I very much wanted to jump up and cheer.
Ofelia gets her fairy-tale ending, resuming her place as princess of the underworld beside her father and mother. Did she really, or is she just plain old dead and gone to heaven? It doesn't really matter. Either way, she's in a far better place.
There seems to be a lesson in there somewhere about the evils of unquestioning, blind obedience, but it's vague. The good doctor is killed for failing to believe in it, but neither does Ofelia and she makes out fairly well (right about the time of the second task it occurred to me to wonder about Pan's ulterior motives and ponder the wisdom of following his advice unhesitatingly. That's all I'm going to say about that).
All in all, it's an excellent, well-executed film. Like I said, just not the one I thought I was paying to see. It was kind of like buying a Frappucino only to discover that the bottom half of it is bitter black coffee. I will still probably buy the DVD. 4 out of 5
As measure of the movie, I was far more impressed by the trailer before it for 300:
300 trailer, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Is it the scantily clad, perfectly toned men leaping about with swords? Is it the digital colorization making every frame look like a piece of Frank Frazetta art? Is it the mega-dramatic slow motion? I'm not sure. I just know you had me at "Just Like You Imagined" (the moment the music gets truly exciting).
~*~
Like I mentioned, I worked this weekend. We had a pretty full house, including a family with so many cats that they filled C ward and had to be put in A ward with the dogs (so yes, dogs and cats were sleeping together. It was anarchy). They had a smattering of dogs too, including 2 rottweilers, Thor and Prada. They growled menacingly at first, but as soon as they realized that I am She-Who-Opens-The-Door-To-Pee, and even more importantly, She-Who-Serves-The-Food, well, that put a quick end to their rumblings. And let me tell you, nothing puts a swagger in your step after a break-in than heading out to the yard flanked by two rottweilers (although it was a little disconcerting when these same dogs literally wrapped themselves around my legs and started snapping at each other. Tery says it's a sign of possessiveness over me. Flattering, but next time they can just send flowers).
They have a third, Ursa, an ancient old girl whose back legs have stopped working and who has to be hauled about with a sling. It was therefore completely beyond my comprehension why, when I returned Saturday night, someone had moved her into the kennel behind the door, where the angle is damn near impossible to navigate with a healthy dog. This is what I mean when I complain about seemingly smart people with a degree in animal medicine who lack a shred of common sense about everything else.
I also discovered a breed that could be just as annoying as beagles: huskies, the younger the worse. We had a husky youth who had just been neutered who cried and cried all night long. Unfortunately, after yelling at him all morning to shut the fuck up, I had to give no less than 5 medicines to this poor cat who, as luck would have it, was directly over his kennel:
"Enya" - as far from the Orinoco Flow as you can possibly get
Frightening, nerve-wracking weather. "You're just going to have to give me the ticket, officer, because if I stop at this light I'm not convinced I'll be able to move again" weather. The roads were covered with a foot of accumulated snow with barely-discernible tracks from previous motorists to follow. Apparently if the city isn't expecting a storm, it takes about 24 hours to mobilize plows (and being Sunday didn't help much either). We cursed at stupid SUVs in unison. We devised back-up plans should we become stuck. It was the kind of fun that can only be had in a shared life-threatening situation.
You would think that people who loved movies enough to brave these conditions could resist the urge to whip out their cell phone and check their messages mid-movie, and be better suited to tolerate a 2-hour running time without dancing in the seats. You would be wrong.
Anyway, without further ado I give you Pan's Labyrinth:
It's taken me some time to piece together my thoughts on the film, not only because the stressful, white-knuckle drive home combined with 4 hours of sleep quickly took its toll on me once I curled up on the couch, but because I have to admit I didn't love it as unconditionally as I thought I would, and it bothered me that I couldn't put my finger on why. This morning the answer came to me: It isn't the movie it sells itself to be. The fascism:fantasy ratio in the trailer vs. the film is directly inverted. Oh, it starts off promisingly enough, with gorgeous cinematography and first-class special effects (adhering to my personal rule that CGI is best viewed in very dim light to conceal glaringly obvious digital elements). The real-world setting is established and little Ofelia is off to explore the titular labyrinth. However, about halfway through suddenly the Labyrinth and Pan are seemingly forgotten and it becomes all about the struggle between the cruel Capitán/stepfather and the rebel forces hiding in the woods. Ofelia disappears into the background and the focus shifts to Mercedes, the Capitán's maid and rebel spy. It's still a great story, just not really what I paid to see.
Ofelia and her widowed mother travel to the mountains to live with their new stepfather/husband. The journey is hard, especially on her very pregnant mother, and is made only at the insistence of the Capitán, who places an inordinate amount of significance on having his son born with him. In fact, it's pretty apparent from the get-go that the Capitán doesn't care half as much about his new wife, or women in general, as he does for his unborn son. From the moment she steps out of the car at the outpost, he demands she is confined to a wheelchair despite her assurance that she doesn't need one. To him she is only a carrier, a vessel for the all-important male offspring. Yep, I'll bet he's VERY big with the ladies.
His relationship with his own father is somewhat murkier. He carries around a broken pocketwatch, which we eventually learn his father smashed on a rock in the Civil War so his son would know the exact time of his death, but in conversation he denies this tale (probably because it's told very smugly by a dinner guest with the implication that his father was a brave man, unlike the Capitán. Proving once again that you catch more flies (or fascist military leaders) with honey than vinegar).
If the Capitán is utterly ambivalent about women, it's far better than how he treats his enemies, real or perceived. This is demonstrated almost immediately with the casually brutal executions of two farmers accused of rebel activity (wrongly, it turns out, though we get the feeling the Capitán won't lose much sleep over the error). Yes, the Capitán is a bad, bad man, there is no doubt. He acts with extreme, unthinking violence and inhuman cruelty, but thankfully most of the time we see only the aftermath rather than the actual details.
Ofelia is left with a lot of free time, between her mother being bedridden and the Capitán choosing to ignore her very existence, so she explores the labyrinth near the outpost. She meets Pan, a sinister-looking faun who tells her she is the reincarnation of a long-dead princess of the underworld, but sets her three tasks to prove that she hasn't succumbed to being mortal. The first she pulls off without a hitch (though at the cost of a fine new dress her mother wanted her to wear for the Capitán, which to Ofelia only helps in her plan to defy him at every turn). The second one is a near success until she suddenly forgets the one simple rule she was given (don't eat anything from the feast laid out in the alternate world -- echoes of the Greek myth of Persephone abound). Incredibly stupid child, or just willful? You decide, but it's enough to make Pan wash his hands of her and creates an excuse for him to vanish for the next 30 minutes.
The Capitán's watch suddenly starts ticking again, and, like the clock swallowed by Captain Hook's crocodile, seems to serve as a reminder through the rest of the movie that his time is running out. He pieces the clues together to identify both his doctor and Mercedes as rebels. The one he kills summarily; the other he intends to torture, but thanks to his incredible hubris in underestimating womenfolk and his pompous, long-winded "These are the instruments I'm going to use on you" speech, she cuts through her bonds and stabs him, also slicing his cheek open in a wicked, 6-inch gash. "You are not the first pig I've gutted" she whispers, and I wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer. She doesn't kill him though, and after performing a little self-surgery (ooooh, too bad you killed your doctor!) he and his men give chase.
Oh yeah, somewhere in here Ofelia's baby brother is born (her mother dies; again, no tears shed by the singleminded Capitán) and we are temporarily reminded of her presence in the movie when Pan relents and decides her third task will be to save him. The wrapping up of this plot isn't nearly as satisfying as the conclusion of the true subject of the movie: the Capitán emerges from the labyrinth after killing Ofelia, only to be surrounded by rebel fighters. His final wish is that his son be told great things about him, but he is cut off in mid-request by Mercedes -- "He will not even know your name" -- and shot right through the eye. The worst possible end imaginable for a man who cares only about his son and his legacy. Again, I very much wanted to jump up and cheer.
Ofelia gets her fairy-tale ending, resuming her place as princess of the underworld beside her father and mother. Did she really, or is she just plain old dead and gone to heaven? It doesn't really matter. Either way, she's in a far better place.
There seems to be a lesson in there somewhere about the evils of unquestioning, blind obedience, but it's vague. The good doctor is killed for failing to believe in it, but neither does Ofelia and she makes out fairly well (right about the time of the second task it occurred to me to wonder about Pan's ulterior motives and ponder the wisdom of following his advice unhesitatingly. That's all I'm going to say about that).
All in all, it's an excellent, well-executed film. Like I said, just not the one I thought I was paying to see. It was kind of like buying a Frappucino only to discover that the bottom half of it is bitter black coffee. I will still probably buy the DVD. 4 out of 5
As measure of the movie, I was far more impressed by the trailer before it for 300:
300 trailer, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Is it the scantily clad, perfectly toned men leaping about with swords? Is it the digital colorization making every frame look like a piece of Frank Frazetta art? Is it the mega-dramatic slow motion? I'm not sure. I just know you had me at "Just Like You Imagined" (the moment the music gets truly exciting).
~*~
Like I mentioned, I worked this weekend. We had a pretty full house, including a family with so many cats that they filled C ward and had to be put in A ward with the dogs (so yes, dogs and cats were sleeping together. It was anarchy). They had a smattering of dogs too, including 2 rottweilers, Thor and Prada. They growled menacingly at first, but as soon as they realized that I am She-Who-Opens-The-Door-To-Pee, and even more importantly, She-Who-Serves-The-Food, well, that put a quick end to their rumblings. And let me tell you, nothing puts a swagger in your step after a break-in than heading out to the yard flanked by two rottweilers (although it was a little disconcerting when these same dogs literally wrapped themselves around my legs and started snapping at each other. Tery says it's a sign of possessiveness over me. Flattering, but next time they can just send flowers).
They have a third, Ursa, an ancient old girl whose back legs have stopped working and who has to be hauled about with a sling. It was therefore completely beyond my comprehension why, when I returned Saturday night, someone had moved her into the kennel behind the door, where the angle is damn near impossible to navigate with a healthy dog. This is what I mean when I complain about seemingly smart people with a degree in animal medicine who lack a shred of common sense about everything else.
I also discovered a breed that could be just as annoying as beagles: huskies, the younger the worse. We had a husky youth who had just been neutered who cried and cried all night long. Unfortunately, after yelling at him all morning to shut the fuck up, I had to give no less than 5 medicines to this poor cat who, as luck would have it, was directly over his kennel:
"Enya" - as far from the Orinoco Flow as you can possibly get
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Mmm...300. The 300 panel at comic-con was so adorable, it was scary.
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Too much junk in the sixties, I think.
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I wondered the whole time, too, about whather Pan could be trusted. One of my friends pointed out, and I agreed, that the thing he really liked about it was how the fantasy elements were so beautiful, yet so creepy at the same time. I, a longtime hater of all things CGI, wasn't even bothered that much by it.
And Mercedes was awesome.
I didn't get to see the 300 trailer, but I did see a trailer for some Jim Carrey movie that didn't look godawful, saints preserve us!
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Yes, Mercedes was awesome. As was the 300 trailer. I watch this YouTube clip about 4 times a day. Looks incredible to me!
Perfectly Put
(Anonymous) 2007-01-29 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)As a side note, I love my beagles. :P I have not ONE...but TWO! Muahahaha! My female is the loud one, though she only bays the Howl of Terror whenever she's caged. She doesn't howl when she's put in a run or when she's left alone normally. My male is hardly ever vocal. I have to say though, that whenever I get home, she's so happy to see me that she emits what I like to call the Screech of Doom. It's an ear piercing screech that breaks glass.
Re: Perfectly Put
Bless you and your beagles. I've only seen them boarding at our kennels so might be a little unfair in my judgment, but I see plenty of other breeds and they don't bark the entire night long the way beagles do. I'm sure your dogs are little angels, however the beagles I'VE seen are little pains in the asses. ; )
Re: Perfectly Put
(Anonymous) 2007-01-30 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)Bless you for dealing with the little buggers when they're in that mood. I don't begrudge your outlet here in the least. :)