grrgoyl | Entries tagged with 300

I finally went to see 300 again as promised, though not with Tabby as originally planned. It was a couple of weeks after her excited agreement to accompany me when I had occasion to talk to her again (on a hospital-related issue). I asked her about it and suddenly she was hemming and hawing. She was nervous about all the bad things people had been saying about it. Evidently my willingness to see it a second time wasn't a ringing enough endorsement for her. I explained that some people watched it expecting a historically accurate, realistic dramatization of the Battle of Thermopylae -- adapted from a comic book. I said that, while not being the most accurate depiction possible, it certainly was great eye candy and she insisted that was all she was interested in. Yet still she waffled.

Fortunately for us both I never let myself get too attached to the idea of going with her. That's sadly the cynical defense mechanism I've been forced to adopt in order to make a friendship with her (and others; there, I've said it) possible.

So instead I was struck with the idea to reconnect with my friend Rebecca from RGIS. We lost all contact after I left RGIS, and I usually try harder to hold onto friends than that (having so few of them). This necessitated a call to the RGIS office to get her number, which was met with surprisingly little fanfare considering how long I've been incommunicado. I attribute this to the fact that they've since hired two other Elaines so I might have been confused for them. I'm glad I escaped before the name became so commonplace.

I forgot how much I love Rebecca. Rebecca is me to the tenth degree. Rebecca is me before I went to college and became a reasonably contributing member of society. She would love nothing more than to be left alone with her books and never speak to another soul again as long as she lives, including me. But because I'm persistent and rakishly charming, she tolerates me.

For example, here is a synopsis of our conversation:

Me: Hey Rebecca, it's Elaine. Remember me?
Her: Yeah, hi. (as if we had only spoken last week)
Me: Wanna go to a movie sometime?
Her: I wasn't planning to see anything until July when Harry Potter comes out. (srsly)
Me: Please? I'm lonely.
Her: (sighing resignedly) Fine, I'll go with you.

See? I'm as charismatic as the Dalai Lama in comparison.

So, second impressions of 300: I don't know if it's the difference between Imax and a regular screen or the fact that we were seated way too close, but the print seemed horribly grainy, while revealing facial pores you could park a Volkswagen in. And the night battle scene, which is all blacks and grays with only the muted reds of their cloaks, created a visual effect outlining everyone in blurry red that I'm certain wasn't intended, like watching a 3D movie without the glasses. Very annoying and distracting. Plus, I'll admit, knowing the whole plot and what was coming next made the movie seem much slower moving, something I didn't feel at all the first time. Or perhaps that was because of the two running commentators we had seated behind us, one each to our extreme right and left, who I could hear susserating through the entire movie. It was mostly unintelligible until I clearly heard the woman whisper, "That's Xerxes," when the god-king finally makes his appearance. Really? I would have thought the 9-foot tall, gold-bedecked, arrogant creature borne on a litter by 50 slaves needed no introduction. That she felt he did certainly didn't speak well for the intelligence of her companion.

For the last time, if you just can't keep your mouth shut for more than 10 minutes, DON'T GO TO THE FUCKING MOVIES.

~*~

And this just in: Dogs are still crying, whiny, needy babies. Last weekend after listening to a chorus of about four of them howl out their agonizing loneliness for fifteen minutes straight at 1 a.m., I stomped into the ward, turned on the light and screamed at the top of my lungs, "WILL YOU SHUT UP???? ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM???????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!" When I had finished, most of them were eyeing me with sheer terror. Ummm, guys? I think we broke her they seemed to be thinking. Things were pretty quiet after that. And come morning when I started serving breakfast, the incident was forgotten and we were all the best of friends again.

By contrast this weekend I wore my iPod and was feeling good. I danced and sang with my mop and all the dogs sat and watched me, wagging their tails adoringly. Such an appreciative audience, and they didn't seem to mind in the least if I occasionally forgot the words. As I walked by each kennel I bestowed glowing words of praise on each one. I told Abby, a golden retriever who perpetually looks like she's smiling, what a good girl she was. She immediately turned to look at her cellmates as if to say, "Did you hear that? I'm a good girl. ME."

No, I'm no closer to being a dog person, but they do sometimes have their moments.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: love is the leech sucking you up//love is the vampire drunk on your blood

Alright, I'm officially through with documentary forays into the lives of Evangelical Christians. My breaking point was reached with our recent rental of Jesus Camp.

ridiculicious warned me this was scarier than Friends of God. I wouldn't say scarier, just as scary from a different aspect. Jesus Camp focuses on just the overzealous offspring of Evangelicals attending this crazy religious boot camp (which has since been closed down in the wake of the Ted Haggard scandal).

The movie actually has some very funny moments, once you get past the whole terrifying youth brainwashing thing. The boy who is unofficially the focus of the whole film states he was "saved" at age 5. Saved from what??? What black, despicable sins can stain the soul of a 5-year-old? He said he turned to Jesus because he "wanted more" out of life. At age 5. If he sounds years ahead of his time, it's probably because he's only regurgitating what his parents drilled into him since he could understand spoken language.

Then there's Rachael, the 9-year-old who mutters a plea to Jesus to help her bowling game. "Great," Tery said. "A car bomb just went off in Baghdad because Jesus had to help her get a strike."

The Evangelicals harshly denounce Harry Potter (again, no clear cut reasons given for why), yet allow their children to be preached to by talking vegetables (the popular "Veggie Tales" series). In one scene the boys are playing with a flashlight in the dark, acting spooky and telling ghost stories; perfectly normal behavior at camp. Until one of the parents puts an end to their fun on the grounds that God only wants us to focus on the beautiful, pleasing things of this world. Then the next day the children are subjected to a good old-fashioned fire and brimstone lecture that's so vivid and so graphic that it starts them crying, writhing on the floor and speaking in tongues to show how full of the Spirit they are. These kids are going to need some SERIOUS therapy later in life.

We had to pause the DVD until we stopped laughing, however, when the female minister who runs the camp was shown blessing the pews, the roof, the walls, and the PowerPoint presentation. Yes, she said, "Now devil, you stay away from this PowerPoint presentation. We know how you like to mess with the tools of the Lord..." yadda yadda yadda. Speaking of the tools of the Lord, these people have no problem taking advantage of the ease and convenience of computer technology, while simultaneously spitting on and reviling all other manifestations of science. Hypocritical? Christians? No!

But the moment Tery and I really lost it was when little Rachael and her friends approached a group of older black men sitting in a park to try to convert them. She asked one, "If you were to die right now, do you think you'd go to heaven or hell?" He unhesitatingly answered heaven, and they awkwardly excused themselves pretty quickly. "I don't know, maybe they're already Christians or something," Rachael reasoned. Their 9-year-old minds were blown. However, this scene translated easily to South Park to me and Tery. Chef: "Hello, children!" with a song about going to heaven complete with sexually inappropriate lyrics. It is crucial to watch this movie with someone who has a great sense of humor, otherwise it's just chilling and disturbing.

Their rationale for "training" their children so intensely is because they believe all Muslim children are taught how to use hand grenades and automatic weapons from the time they can walk -- a rather ignorant and gross generalization. The female minister also muses that "you can't force children to do anything" (meaning their devout behavior is purely of their own making) -- well, yes and no. But they apparently see nothing wrong with continuing their political movement to force the rest of the country to bow to their agenda.

~*~

Speaking of annoying people with ridiculous beliefs, I wasted most of yesterday reading this thread over at IMDb about why 300 is so "ironically homophobic." I read it out of mild interest because the idea that the movie was homophobic never even crossed my mind. The gay man who started the thread had two sticking points: The fact that Hollywood had "de-gayed" the "most famously gay group of warriors in history," plus he felt the line about Athenians being "boy-lovers" was a gay slur. Go read it yourself if you have an hour or two to kill watching self-styled historians gradually devolve into increasingly puerile name-calling as they debate the true nature of pederasty and what really went on in the ranks of Greek soldiers thousands of years ago. Watch as the argument goes back and forth endlessly and meaninglessly, neither side listening to the other, until the same points are recycled by new combatants who didn't have time to read the first 150 comments.

As for the original poster, I'm as sympathetic to the gay cause as anyone (obviously), but there's such a thing as being TOO sensitive and giving us a bad name by childishly wanting to be represented everywhere, even in movies where it's not relevant and not appropriate. Sorry, my brother. I have to side with the breeders on this one.

I want to move to Europe. Americans need to fucking RELAX.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: They don't come much more slick than you//and I'll drive your car if you ask me to

IMAX vs. regular movie theater? Oh, IMAX, without a doubt. Even if a matinee ticket costs $13.

I was so excited to see this that I drove home after working Saturday night planning to sleep for 4 or 5 hours and going, until remembering that I was going Monday morning and it was only Sunday. "Why can't today be tomorrow?" I lamented to Tery, who saw nothing wrong with going on a Sunday afternoon on opening weekend. Shyeah. I wasn't THAT excited.

On Monday morning I was so excited that I nearly washed my hair with body soap. I also had terrible stomach cramps of anticipation on the drive over, the kind I haven't experienced since seeing Jaws in the theater and vomiting in the car.

For an 11:30 a.m. show on a weekday, the place was still pretty packed. Overall a generally considerate audience, if you don't count the stupid cow four rows in front of me who kept the blinding screen of her cell phone on for the first 20 minutes of the movie (no, this is not an exaggeration). Was she afraid of the dark? Fortunately the IMAX screen is large enough and the seats steep enough that I could eventually ignore her.

Another plus about IMAX is there aren't a lot of tiresome trailers designed for the format.

I'm not giving out any spoilers. I'll admit, the plot isn't dense enough to warrant a very in-depth analysis. If you don't know the story by now, let me be the first to welcome you out from under your rock. A Spartan regiment of only 300 soldiers fights a losing battle to keep hordes of Persians from overrunning Greece. Kind of tough to fill a 2-hour running time, unless the movie isn't so much about the battle as it is about eye-popping visuals bringing a graphic novel to vibrant, gory life. In this respect, it succeeds.

No, the dialog isn't Shakespeare and the movie is certainly no history lesson. More six packs than a Pepsi delivery truck and wall-to-wall action, it is exactly what was promised in the trailer, nothing more but certainly nothing less. It was worlds better than Sin City, which was just as visually stunning, just as violent but infinitely more confusing to me. Gerard Butler was good as King Leonidas (thank the gods he doesn't scream through the whole movie like he does in the trailer), Lena Headey was even better as Queen Gorgo, but the biggest surprise was David Wenham. Mousy little Faramir, even mousier little monk from Van Helsing? It looked like his head was superimposed on Hulk Hogan's body. He was probably my favorite.

Okay, a trio of nitpicks: ( ::teensy tiny spoilers behind:: )

I agree with every review on rottentomatoes.com, even the negative ones, but I'm buying this movie on DVD for the same reasons I bought The Cell and The Matrix: Not much in the way of plot, but mounds and mounds of delicious eye candy (and the soundtrack wasn't bad either). And I'm seeing it again with Tabby, though probably not in IMAX. 4 out of 5

~*~

I thought the story sounded familiar, so when I got home I broke out my Xena DVDs. There, an episode called "One Against an Army," has the identical plot (with the exception that Xena faces off against the Persians in an abandoned barn, which in retrospect makes no sense as they could have easily gone around her). She even references the pass at Thermopylae. After a 20-minute battle where she pulls out all the stops, she brandishes her sword menacingly at the exhausted, bloodied men and yells, "Go home! There are thousands more like me!" which is essentially the sentiment the movie 300 leaves us on. I excitedly told Tery about it, but she was unimpressed. "It IS based on historical events" she pointed out. It didn't surprise me that the battle really happened, only that Xena was that historically accurate.

The funny thing is at the beginning of the episode Xena has a line about learning her trademark flip with the use of a staff: "Before trying the flip without the staff, I did it 300 times with it." Coincidence??

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

The tale of seeing Pan's Labyrinth would not be complete without the tale surrounding the journey to see it. I had worked the night before and it started snowing at about 4 am. The roads were pretty miserable coming home, and after sleeping a mere 4 hours I looked outside to see near white-out conditions. My phone call to Ryan was in the form of a challenge: "Are we still on, or are you afraid of a little snow?" He wasn't, we were, and that's why I love him so.

Frightening, nerve-wracking weather. "You're just going to have to give me the ticket, officer, because if I stop at this light I'm not convinced I'll be able to move again" weather. The roads were covered with a foot of accumulated snow with barely-discernible tracks from previous motorists to follow. Apparently if the city isn't expecting a storm, it takes about 24 hours to mobilize plows (and being Sunday didn't help much either). We cursed at stupid SUVs in unison. We devised back-up plans should we become stuck. It was the kind of fun that can only be had in a shared life-threatening situation.

You would think that people who loved movies enough to brave these conditions could resist the urge to whip out their cell phone and check their messages mid-movie, and be better suited to tolerate a 2-hour running time without dancing in the seats. You would be wrong.

Anyway, without further ado I give you ( ::Pan's Labyrinth:: )

All in all, it's an excellent, well-executed film. Like I said, just not the one I thought I was paying to see. It was kind of like buying a Frappucino only to discover that the bottom half of it is bitter black coffee. I will still probably buy the DVD. 4 out of 5

As measure of the movie, I was far more impressed by the trailer before it for 300:

300 trailer, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Is it the scantily clad, perfectly toned men leaping about with swords? Is it the digital colorization making every frame look like a piece of Frank Frazetta art? Is it the mega-dramatic slow motion? I'm not sure. I just know you had me at "Just Like You Imagined" (the moment the music gets truly exciting).

~*~

Like I mentioned, I worked this weekend. We had a pretty full house, including a family with so many cats that they filled C ward and had to be put in A ward with the dogs (so yes, dogs and cats were sleeping together. It was anarchy). They had a smattering of dogs too, including 2 rottweilers, Thor and Prada. They growled menacingly at first, but as soon as they realized that I am She-Who-Opens-The-Door-To-Pee, and even more importantly, She-Who-Serves-The-Food, well, that put a quick end to their rumblings. And let me tell you, nothing puts a swagger in your step after a break-in than heading out to the yard flanked by two rottweilers (although it was a little disconcerting when these same dogs literally wrapped themselves around my legs and started snapping at each other. Tery says it's a sign of possessiveness over me. Flattering, but next time they can just send flowers).

They have a third, Ursa, an ancient old girl whose back legs have stopped working and who has to be hauled about with a sling. It was therefore completely beyond my comprehension why, when I returned Saturday night, someone had moved her into the kennel behind the door, where the angle is damn near impossible to navigate with a healthy dog. This is what I mean when I complain about seemingly smart people with a degree in animal medicine who lack a shred of common sense about everything else.

I also discovered a breed that could be just as annoying as beagles: huskies, the younger the worse. We had a husky youth who had just been neutered who cried and cried all night long. Unfortunately, after yelling at him all morning to shut the fuck up, I had to give no less than 5 medicines to this poor cat who, as luck would have it, was directly over his kennel: