grrgoyl | Entries tagged with johnny depp

Against my better judgment, I went with my friend Kristin on Monday to see Alice in Wonderland. Opening weekend is usually my last choice in times to see a movie, but we were both really excited, and as my Avatar experience proved, some movies don't make a difference how long you wait. And that evidently no one works on Mondays anymore.

Sure enough, we arrived at 10:45 for an 11:30 IMAX 3D show. We tried buying tickets online but for some reason IMAX isn't available. We were first in line to buy tickets, not to be confused with the line to enter the theater populated by people who must have some inside information because they already had their tickets. Maybe they weren't going to IMAX.

We were alarmed by a sign in the window that said "Alice in Wonderland IMAX 3D sold out:" followed by what looked like every showtime for the day, until two women behind us (who seemed to make a career out of movie-watching) assured us they normally black out the sold out times.

By 11:00 the line stretched farther back than the line for Avatar did. No one works on Monday anymore. There was no sign of a theater employee, until we finally spotted one leisurely strolling up at about 11:10. She told us there were "plenty" of tickets for IMAX, but it was still nice to be first.

As we joined the ticket-owning line, we watched another customer heading back from the box office announcing to everyone "IMAX sold out! IMAX sold out!" Kristin looked at me skeptically. "IMAX sold out in the 60 seconds it took us to walk to this line?" I figured the woman saw the same sign we did and panicked. Pretty damn irresponsible, if you ask me, and why I refuse to believe anything before speaking to someone in a position to know for sure. That there seems like a good policy to employ for life in general.

So anyway, ( ::Alice in Wonderland:: )

From what I'm reading the movie is getting a lukewarm reception from just about everyone, which is a shame. It's hard to tell if it's a critique of the movie as a movie or a result of sky-high expectations due to the source material, or sky-high expectations of Burton in general. It reminded me most strongly of Labyrinth and everyone loves Labyrinth, so I suspect the complaints are more a function of the latter two than the first.

I personally thoroughly enjoyed it, until the end when Johnny breaks into an out-of-place Michael Jacksonesque dance, set to even more out of place, rather jarring Oingo Boingo-type music a la Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, followed by an even more out-of-place pop song over the credits that turned the movie into just another vehicle for some Miley Cyrus-ish star and made it as cheap and hollow as critics complain the rest of the film is. I blame Disney for that last more than Burton.

EDIT: Video courtesy of

swankyfunk: Mad Hatter futterwacken. It's blurry, but see for yourself how completely un-frabjous it is.

Shoe-in for a Blu-ray purchase. Whether that means anyone else will enjoy it, you'd be better off speaking to someone in a position to know for sure.

Current Mood: Frabjous!

It was with no small amount of glee that Tery delivered the latest "Entertainment Weekly" to me, due mostly to it having this to say for itself on the cover:

The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Don't get me wrong, I like Johnny just fine, and I want to see this movie so badly I can taste it. However, my excitement was amped up several notches when I spied this photo inside:

Demon Barber with unsuspecting (but thoroughly delicious) evil Judge Turpin

You'd think that, with a half-page photo of him, the article would at least allude at some point to Alan Rickman. You would be wrong. Plenty about what it's like to work with Tim Burton's lovecat Helena Bonham Carter, and even Sacha Baron "who cares it's only Borat" Cohen, but about my beautiful, beautiful, underrated and underused man, not a peep. Tery told me "not everyone thinks he's as hot as you do." She obviously hasn't read Salon.com's "Sexiest Men Living" picks; he's not the highest ranking, but they have this to say about him: "there's just something about the man that's smart and complicated and tender and a little dangerous that makes your mind start wandering into filthy corners while you're sitting there, innocently trying to watch a "Harry Potter" movie with your kids." Oh yes. This picture of him makes me want to lick his beard stubble.

At the very least, I'm hoping this movie will lend some cachet to the Cruella de Vil skunk stripe again, so I can be the height of fashion.

~*~

My employer is offering a 2-week production bonus that includes a drawing for the grand prize of a 42" Phillips Flat Panel TV and a second prize of a 160GB iPod. I suppose the iPod would be nice, but man, I would LOVE that TV. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it so badly I could cry. Badly enough that if I don't win it, I might seriously consider buying one (probably smaller) for Christmas. We've been staring at this 27" Sony for about 15 years now, and have been told by a salesman that these old tube TVs last forever -- which was good news before I got it into my head that I would really like a newer, bigger model. It's hard to justify that kind of expense to replace something that isn't broken, but I'm trying.

Dear God, if I win that 42" TV, I swear I'll NEVER complain about my job again. Ever! -- oh, and I'll start believing in you again. -love, Elaine

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: You're so wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully pretty

I don't know if it's because of the new Pirates movie, but suddenly the place is just crawling with Johnny Depp movies. I've watched three of them in the past week alone.

I watched the first Pirates on TV for the second time, having no memory whatsoever from seeing it in the theater except a distinct bewilderment as to why the rest of the world was losing its mind over it. Sure, it had Johnny AND Orlando (who, I'm sorry, does nothing for me without his long blonde elf hair), but apart from that, it really wasn't that great a movie (which was Tery's very response when I told her the new movie had the top grossing weekend of all time: "That doesn't make it a good movie," she sniffed disdainfully. She's just jealous because people don't flock in those numbers to watch documentaries, her film genre of choice). I believe this proves that squealing fangirls are just as guilty of thinking with the "little head" as men are often accused of.

I felt similarly on my second viewing. I found myself only slightly more interested than Tery, whose attention was waning even before the cursed pirate crew made an appearance. Ah well, c'est la vie. It isn't like I don't have plenty of other fandoms keeping me busy. However, my little sister informs me that if I don't like the new movie, it could jeopardize our future relationship as siblings. I shall have to take my chances.

In summary, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: 2 out of 5. Still.

I once read an article about Johnny that began by pointing out that his agent was the most frustrated man in Hollywood, due to his client's insistence on taking only the quirkiest, most bizarre roles out there. These next two movies will probably demonstrate that in spades.

I happened to notice a Depp vehicle coming up next on IFC's gay film week, Before Night Falls. Unbeknownst to me this was nominated for an Oscar and Tery actually had wanted to see it. Great! A movie that achieves that rarest of intersections between her interests and mine.

It's the story of Reinaldo Arenas, a gay Cuban novelist living in Cuba when Fidel Castro comes to power. It was interesting, I suppose, although an hour and a half into it I was starting to suspect that this was yet another indie film cashing in on having one big star attached (actually two -- Sean Penn makes a very brief appearance and is virtually unrecognizable as a peasant farmer. I recognized him but Tery didn't, and argued with me about it. She joked that as an indie film, they could only afford South American actors who vaguely resembled Hollywood stars. NEVER question my movie acumen, bitch.) Every time a new character was introduced, I asked, "Is THIS Johnny?" Since everyone had dark hair and dark eyes, he could have been anyone. But I persevered on the dwindling hope that Johnny might be a romantic interest for the star eventually.

Reinaldo gets thrown into prison and it is there we meet "Bom-Bom," a transvestite known for his impressive capacity for smuggling in contraband (I will say no more). Bom-Bom's on-screen entrance is made from the rear (oh, it gets worse and worse) and as we watched the back of the shapely but unmistakably male character cross the exercise yard, I joked, "Is THAT Johnny? Ha ha ha." Hooboy.

Would you believe it wasn't until I started looking for internet pics for this post that I noticed Bom-Bom has facial hair? I'm still up in the air about whether Johnny makes a pretty girl or not. I'm leaning more towards "unsettling," sad to say. He restored his masculinity in the next scene where he plays a sadistic warden (who, nonetheless, starts to beat off for Reinaldo in a short fantasy sequence), but this just confused me. Was Bom-Bom the warden in disguise? Or were they two separate people who looked inexplicably similar?

Like most gay-themed movies, the ending was dismal and depressing, and had I known Johnny's total screen time was less than 10 minutes, I might have just left Tery to it. Eh. 2.5 out of 5

Finally I rented The Libertine from Netflix. I was excited to see this since first hearing about it many months ago. Johnny plays John Wilmot, who sounded like a less extreme Marquis de Sade of his age. It was also a fairly safe bet he would be on screen for more than 10 minutes in this one. And here I will cut, since this is a recent release and I will never be counted among the inconsiderate filth who doth blab the spoilers.

( ::The Libertine:: )

It was strange. I liked it, though not enough to watch it repeatedly. 3.5 out of 5

=============================

COMPLETELY unrelated, a short tale of road rage. Yes, these are boring to everyone but me, but some days I suspect this can be said of anything I write.

I was driving home from work last night, minding my own business (yes, surprisingly I am yet again the innocent victim in this story). It was just me and one other car on Parker Road, the massive 6-lane ~~freeway~~ street my road branches off of. Suddenly, literally out of nowhere, another guy came cutting across three lanes to get behind me. I don't know why he didn't get in front of me, he had plenty of time and he could have saved us both a lot of stress. But he didn't, and there he sat behind me.

"Tailgating" is such a small, inadequate word. This guy was INCHES from my bumper. INCHES. I could have leaned my head out the window and caught a whiff of his aftershave, he was so close. Think NASCAR minus the skill and handy roadside medic crew. He also had his high beams on, lighting up my car's interior as bright as daylight, he was so close. I tried the flipping the mirror up tactic, but I could still see him in the side mirrors and of course, his blinding headlights. For an entire block he breathed down my neck like this then, delightfully, he also turned onto my road. We continued and he didn't back down one tiny bit.

I put up with it most of the way up my street, then I just snapped. I pulled over to the side to let him pass, admittedly slamming on my brakes first, because why should I make it easy for him? He didn't pass me right away. First he pulled up alongside me to gesture at me silently (with my windows up). Yeah, mister, I'M the one with a problem. I'M the asshole. Tell me I'm the first person who won't tolerate your guerrilla driving style. For my part, I started screaming (though I doubt he could hear me either) "GO!!!!! Don't just sit there, you're in such a fucking hurry, GO ALREADY!!!!!!!!" If you think I was coming unhinged unnecessarily, you're still doubting me when I say he was INCHES from me. Unless you've got someone giving birth or bleeding to death in your backseat (in which case you shouldn't be heading home), ain't no reason on the planet for driving that close to me.

He finally moved on and I pulled out to follow him. Is this better, sir? Do you enjoy having someone behind you who's pissed as hell at you, you fuck? Of course I didn't tailgate him because two wrongs don't make a right, lucky for him.

He turned off about 50 feet later, and again I was left wondering how the story would be told from his perspective. "...and then this crazy bitch suddenly just slammed on her brakes in front of me! Yes, for no reason, why do you ask?" This as always is closely followed by the question of how Tery can drive to and from work 5 days a week and never once have this happen to her. People. Should. Die.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: still each time I always meant every word, every one//though in time they finally bent, every word

To my surprise, Tery suggested going out tonight. As the crackwhore's boyfriend was busy pounding something very loudly and persistently on their balcony, and the renters across the way with 3 screaming kids were outside, well, screaming, I said why not. So it was that we found ourselves going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Before we get to the nitty-gritty, I have to say this: I haven't been out to the movies in quite some time, so I noticed some big changes. Firstly, we just missed the 5:15 pm showing, apparently the last matinee of the day. Back when I was a regular patron, matinees on weekends were usually only offered until noon, maybe 2 or 3 pm at the latest. Perhaps an attempt to entice more customers looking to save that buck fifty? Secondly, we had exactly two (2) previews. Highly unusual. But as one of them was for Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, ask me how much it bothered me. (Or if this particular trailer was at all unexpected, for that matter). Inevitable tie-in products be damned...I am all over this puppy.

I promise to cut for anything that might be remotely spoilerish.

My reasons for wanting to see this should be obvious. Tim Burton, the closest a man can come to deification without becoming Terry Gilliam; Johnny, who we learned on the Sleepy Hollow commentary shares an uncanny telepathic connection with Tim and seldom even needs verbal stage direction to please him, and frankly they've been working together so much now I wish they'd just get a room and be done with it; and of course the long-overdue remake (sorry, reinterpretation) of the cautionary tale on the result of spoiling children.

Without going into too great detail, aka every line that came out of Johnny's mouth, I can say overall that I loved this movie. As I recently read on Amazon, "Edward Scissorhands achieves the nearly impossible feat of capturing the delicate flavor of a fable or fairy tale in a live-action movie." I'd have to say Burton accomplishes this again in Charlie. The use of narration and lengthy flashbacks effectively filled in large portions of the background quickly. Which was good, because I simply couldn't wait to get to Johnny. I'd seen plenty of trailers and preview clips of him dealing snarkily with the kids, but was also pleasantly surprised to see that they didn't give away any of the best lines ( for instance ) Of secondary note is Freddie Highmore (Charlie), who has so much adorableness left over from Finding Neverland that I'm still trying to find room to put him in my pocket.

It wasn't all good though. I am awed by Tim (if that isn't obvious), but can still be his harshest critic. There are some specific areas in which this movie suffers in comparison to the original (which, face it, is unavoidable). ( for instance again ) I also think that, whereas this script was much funnier and more sardonic, I preferred Gene Wilder's Wonka, with his half-hearted "wait stop don't" just before one of the brats trots off to his/her fate, and constant interjections of literary quotes, regardless of how little this had to do with the book.

The Oompa-Loompas. Hmmm. I still haven't made up my mind about them (or I should say "him," since only one actor played them all). I'd have to say whereas the updated Loompa songs are catchy and had me tapping my toes, they have a distinctive Oingo Boingo feel to them, hardly surprising once I realized that Danny Elfman in fact sings them all. Right at this second I'd have to say I prefer the original version's songs, sorry Dan. My sister pointed out that she liked this movie better than the first based purely on not having all those boring, slow, mushy songs that "we always fast-forward over" in the beginning. True, yet somehow Burton's film feels rushed and underdeveloped despite cutting out all of the drawn-out introductory stuff and being 15 minutes longer ( for instance, pt III ) The bad kids seemed to be dispatched very quickly without getting a chance to properly hate them. The characters were much more clearly drawn in the first, I thought. They probably had to make room for the completely new scenes explaining Wonka's back story (that were all very interesting and thoroughly enjoyable. ( no peeeeeking )

Finally, as hawt and slightly sinister as Johnny looked in top hat, tails and lavender eyes, his characterization reminded me rather uncomfortably of Michael Jackson, just in his seclusion from the world and totally bizarro behavior and attitudes. And of course undeniably childish, unconcerned-with-consequences outlook on life. Which nevertheless didn't stop me from wanting to do unspeakable things to him that I will not go into here.

I'm not sure if this is a spoiler or not because it means nothing to me. Tery and I sat out the credits, which ended with the words "Plan B." Any ideas? I haven't a clue, but am quite confident it's nothing that a little DVD purchase won't clear right up for me (or perhaps not. Tim is notoriously and maddeningly taciturn on his commentaries. I guess I'll find out eventually).

3.5-4 out of 5

The only other thing worth mentioning would be the audience. I had no idea what to expect on a Sunday night, though Tery felt quite confident that everyone in the Denver area would be staying home to watch the 16th Annual GLAAD Media Awards *snerk* We weren't quite so lucky, but for the second weekend after opening a summer flick I couldn't really complain.

Except for an utterly daft woman who had an infant with her, maybe 7 or 8 months old. I realize it is a children's movie (or is it?) and I had no problem with there being children in attendance, but not one practically fresh from the womb. As Tery put it, "too old to sleep through the movie, too young to reason with." The baby screamed and wailed so long and so loudly that she had to (FINALLY) exit the theater not once, but twice. Even when she was sitting down, she had to spend the entire time bouncing the thing around and trying to keep it entertained and quiet, not leaving much opportunity to enjoy the movie I imagine. I sympathize with new parents, I really do. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be cooped up at home for months at a time with a creature that can't even carry on a conversation with you. However, this is one of several dozens of reasons why I have made the decision not to procreate. But if I had, rest assured I would recognize that going to see a movie would unequivocally necessitate the use of a babysitter. The fact that this woman either ignored this or was unable to find one and selfishly decided to bring her baby anyway only reinforces my belief that some (most) people simply should not be allowed to breed.

There was also a 20-something girl sitting next to me and many times we were the only two laughing in the theater. I so would have liked to get to know her, but she went home with her stupid boyfriend instead. Feh (P.S.: Call me, laughing girl)

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: There's no earthly way of knowing which way the rowers will be rowing

( ::i ♥ huckabees:: )

Tery took away from the film only the message that our enemy is another side of us, so we should embrace rather than hate them. I took away an overriding urge to return it to the store before noon so I could get a dollar discount on my next rental. In a word, I for one do NOT ♥ huckabees (heh heh. Bet no other reviewer has used THAT line yet). 1/5

( ::Finding Neverland:: )

The DVD has tons of extras, none of which we watched because we both knew its purchase was inevitable. Johnny just gets better with age. Tery commented (100% accurately) that I would like nothing better than a Scottish!Johnny/Ewan sandwich. She also noted that both of them are married to gorgeous French women. On a more thoughtful and less lascivious note, she feels J.M. Barrie is the perfect prelude to Willy Wonka; the roles are actually very similar, as two men who love children but hate the loss of innocence. Wow, and I thought she was just counting the minutes before she could mindlessly channel-surf again. A resounding 4/5

At this point in the evening we ran out of things to watch, since she wasn't quite ready for more Johnny so soon (I can't explain it, don't ask me). I have been subtly pressuring her into Shaun of the Dead for weeks now, but I know how pointless it is to try to make someone enjoy something if they aren't watching it by choice. She kept insisting she didn't like zombie movies. I was equally insistent that it WASN'T a zombie movie. I even showed her the disc that states clearly "A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies." But I dropped it and we played a few rounds of "Whatcha wanna watch? I dunno, whatchoo wanna watch?" before we settled on some Season 5 South Park. I knew she couldn't tolerate an entire disc full of episodes like I do, but what I didn't expect was halfway through one ep ("The Entity," in which Mr. Garrison creates his exciting new "IT" mobile) when she turned to me suddenly, took a deep breath, and announced, "I'm ready to watch Shaun now."

Yes, our tastes are so disparate that she actually has to steel herself to watch one of the funniest movies ever made (no, she's not an alien, although some days the question is perfectly reasonable). And she claims to love British comedy! So it was especially satisfying when she laughed multiple times and claimed to have enjoyed it very much. She even enthusiastically offered suggestions for my new Shaun icon. I bit my tongue before saying "I told you so." Then the next night, over Easter dinner, it was on to:

( ::Secret Window:: )

What saddened me was how excited the Hollywood Video girl was about it, how many times she assured me what a good movie it was. Perhaps I should leave her a note suggesting instead you-know-what before she innocently misleads other movie renters. But Johnny was still dreamy. 2/5

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: L-word theme song....I'm coming, goddammit!!

For all you PotC fans out there:

Johnny Depp in EW

I think he would be STUNNING as Willy Wonka. Especially under Tim Burton's direction. OhIhopeIhopeIhopeIhope......