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grrgoyli ♥ huckabees
I didn't really have a desire to see this but Tery did, and so in the interest of togetherness I selflessly sacrificed. It seemed to have something for both of us with such an all-star cast, Jason Schwartzman for me, Jude Law for her (she's been on a Jude kick lately which I'm not even pretending to understand). Plus no less than Mark Wahlberg, Lily Tomlin, Dustin Hoffman and Naomi Watts. How can you go wrong, right? Hooooo-boy.
It begins promisingly enough on Albert (Schwartzman), with an opening credit sequence that follows him through labyrinthine halls with quirky, original music that had shades of Rushmore all over it (sorry, due to Schwartzman's presence, comparisons to Rushmore will be absolutely unavoidable for me). Albert has run into the same statuesque African man on three separate, seemingly totally unrelated, occasions, and this for some reason creates an existential crisis for him (it isn't clear if he has already considered and rejected the possibility that he just lives in a small town). He hires Tomlin and Hoffman, existential detectives, to investigate his "coincidences," a natural course of action for anyone in such a sticky situation. Okay, kinda kooky, but I'm with you so far.
It starts out basically enough, with Hoffman explaining the "connectedness of the universe" by using a blanket (a purely visual explanation that I won't get into). But from here the script quickly goes downhill and starts sounding like it was adapted directly from someone's graduate thesis, with entire pages devoted to impossibly complex existential mumbo-jumbo. If nothing else, it illustrates decisively why it is so hard for philosophy majors to get a job within their chosen field. The majority of the moviegoing public simply does not care/is easily confused by this stuff. I like to think of myself as possessing above-average intelligence, but I still count myself in this demographic of the just-wanting-to-be-entertained most of the time. The movie asks the same questions as Being John Malkovich, but then attempts to answer them far more clumsily and incoherently. And when the Adobe Photoshop effects kick in, with facial features appearing to drift off their owner's heads, it teeters dangerously close to Eternal Sunshine territory, and I think we all remember the depths of loathing I reached while watching THAT rubbish.
Albert eventually meets Tommy Corn (Wahlberg), a firefighter mired in his own crisis (his a lot more understandable, trying to reconcile the irresponsible abuse of petroleum products and the environment with the supposed inherently good nature of mankind) and in my opinion the only likable character in the film. He is leaning towards a rival existentialist, Caterine. She studied under Tomlin and Hoffman but then veered off to the opposite end of the spectrum, claiming nothing is connected and life is at its core meaningless and chaotic. The events of the film certainly seem to support her ideas, as the characters all begin behaving in completely erratic ways for no apparent reason; the Huckabees department store spokesmodel (Naomi Watts) inexplicably abandons her flattering wardrobe and insists on wearing a Laura Ingalls-style bonnet everywhere, to the chagrin of her employers and her boyfriend (Law); Albert and Caterine suddenly run off to have sex smack in the middle of an existential exercise with Tommy (in one of the unsexiest love scenes I've ever seen on film); then a bitter and thoroughly disillusioned Tommy fills his free time with watching monster truck competitions. In this movie it seems, existential crises are downright contagious.
What about Jude Law, you're asking? Oh, he's in there, acting just as goofily and irrationally as everyone else. There was a quote from a "Rolling Stone" review on the back, "Under Russell's screwball direction, the actors go to places they've never been before." Well, this might not necessarily be a good thing, Peter. Unless that quote was taken seriously out of context. I find Jude Law with an American accent uniquely unsettling, though not half as unsettling as the image of his face superimposed on a blond woman's body with Jason Schwartzman suckling at his breast like a baby. Yes, this happens in the movie, and I honestly could have continued living quite happily without ever seeing it.
I suppose I was most disappointed with Schwartzman. True, he has grown into quite an attractive young man. But after turning in what I felt was a subdued yet brilliant performance in Rushmore, it seems his acting skills have devolved to the point where when he delivers lines it feels like just that, that he is delivering lines. He manages to make every scene seem like he is in a drama class instead of a major motion picture. Where oh where has Max Fischer gone?
The movie has its funny moments, don't get me wrong. Tery and I loved when the Huckabees secretary kept calling Lily Tomlin "sneaky lady" while she tried to place bugs around the office. I loved when Tommy stubbornly rode his bike to a burning house and berated his coworkers for driving the truck, only to arrive on the scene first but unable to do anything about the fire. Tomlin and Hoffman were both predictably excellent. I just couldn't handle the contents of an entire semester of philosophy courses being crammed down my throat in only 106 minutes. Luckily, this allows people who like the film to sneer at those of us who "don't get it" from their lofty perches of elitist intelligentsia, and who hasn't enjoyed being in THAT position?
Tery took away from the film only the message that our enemy is another side of us, so we should embrace rather than hate them. I took away an overriding urge to return it to the store before noon so I could get a dollar discount on my next rental. In a word, I for one do NOT ♥ huckabees (heh heh. Bet no other reviewer has used THAT line yet). 1/5
Finding Neverland
I didn't know much about this movie beyond it containing Johnny Depp and some connection to Peter Pan. Really, what else do you NEED to know? Tery was disgusted that I didn't even know that Kate Winslet won the Oscar for it. Given my contempt for awards shows of every stripe and color, I was disgusted that she was surprised by my ignorance. Despite this initial conflict, we forged ahead to try to get some drops of enjoyment out of the movie together.
I thought it might be slightly more difficult for her to do so based on the menu alone, full as it was with fantastical images of dancing bears, flying children and people dressed as fairies dressed as flowers. But she did remarkably well. I had no idea J.M. Barrie was Scottish, something else Tery was aghast at. Just when you thought Johnny could get no more delicious, here he was with a Scottish brogue, and a better one than some natives I've heard. I think we both knew the moment he opened his mouth that this DVD would soon be finding its way into our collection. His interaction with the boys was so adorable, especially his attempts to get young Peter to open up after the death of their father. A testament to Johnny's versatility, he played a pirate somehow without unwittingly reprising his Jack Sparrow role (and the line, "As punishment fer the lack of an interestin' pirate name, Peter must walk the plank!" is worth the purchase price alone). He is so good with the boys that the audience is easily appalled at the social gossip hinting at inappropriate goings-on, even as we are in the middle of the Michael Jackson trial. In fact, it is really tragic to see how much private relationships were affected and dictated by fear of social disapproval and the sake of "keeping up appearances" (which has only changed just the teeniest bit today, sadly).
The rest of the cast was excellent as well, though I don't see why Kate deserved the Oscar necessarily. Her portrayal of a Victorian-era consumptive was no better or worse than say, Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge, or even herself in Heavenly Creatures (wait, I see at IMDb.com that she won some British awards. Meaningless, as all that really matters are the Oscars). I didn't remember until halfway through that Dustin Hoffman a) was also in huckabees, giving our weekend movie selection a completely unintended element of the Kevin Bacon game and b) he also played the title role in another Peter Pan-themed vehicle, Hook. Fortunately for him this film is to that film as day is to night. Young Peter (Freddie Highmore) could be the next Haley Joel, with his exquisitely sorrowful eyes. And god bless IMDb, the girl playing Peter Pan on stage (Kelly MacDonald) was Ewan's underage girlfriend in Trainspotting. I KNEW I recognized her.
My only complaint with the film was there was not nearly enough focus on the secondary characters, as much as I think it should be all about Johnny. It is painfully obvious that James doesn't belong with his present wife Mary, making his interest in Sylvia (Winslet) forgivable, but it is never really explained how they grew so estranged. However the contrast between the two women helps to make it especially moving at the end when James finally brings Sylvia to Neverland, something he could never do with Mary for reasons unknown. And moved I was, the tears were there, but I fought against them. Tery is as disbelieving of the ease with which I cry as I am of her apparent inability to. Two people were never more ill-suited to watch movies together.
The DVD has tons of extras, none of which we watched because we both knew its purchase was inevitable. Johnny just gets better with age. Tery commented (100% accurately) that I would like nothing better than a Scottish!Johnny/Ewan sandwich. She also noted that both of them are married to gorgeous French women. On a more thoughtful and less lascivious note, she feels J.M. Barrie is the perfect prelude to Willy Wonka; the roles are actually very similar, as two men who love children but hate the loss of innocence. Wow, and I thought she was just counting the minutes before she could mindlessly channel-surf again. A resounding 4/5
At this point in the evening we ran out of things to watch, since she wasn't quite ready for more Johnny so soon (I can't explain it, don't ask me). I have been subtly pressuring her into Shaun of the Dead for weeks now, but I know how pointless it is to try to make someone enjoy something if they aren't watching it by choice. She kept insisting she didn't like zombie movies. I was equally insistent that it WASN'T a zombie movie. I even showed her the disc that states clearly "A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies." But I dropped it and we played a few rounds of "Whatcha wanna watch? I dunno, whatchoo wanna watch?" before we settled on some Season 5 South Park. I knew she couldn't tolerate an entire disc full of episodes like I do, but what I didn't expect was halfway through one ep ("The Entity," in which Mr. Garrison creates his exciting new "IT" mobile) when she turned to me suddenly, took a deep breath, and announced, "I'm ready to watch Shaun now."
Yes, our tastes are so disparate that she actually has to steel herself to watch one of the funniest movies ever made (no, she's not an alien, although some days the question is perfectly reasonable). And she claims to love British comedy! So it was especially satisfying when she laughed multiple times and claimed to have enjoyed it very much. She even enthusiastically offered suggestions for my new Shaun icon. I bit my tongue before saying "I told you so." Then the next night, over Easter dinner, it was on to:
Secret Window
I guess I have to take back all that praise I had for Johnny, not that I blame him for this script. I liked it better when I saw it the first time, as Fight Club (although a quick reference of both books revealed that King's story did come first, so I suppose it should be him banging on Chuck Palahniuk's door with accusations of plagiarism. But I will say that Chuck (or Chuck's screenwriter) did a far better job with the idea).
To say author Mort Rainey (Depp) sleeps a lot would be a staggering understatement. If Rainey got any more sleep he'd be in a coma (yet somehow everyone he meets in the movie advises him to take a nap). Tery and I spent the majority of the film marvelling at the uncombed heights Johnny's bedhead achieved (but make no mistake, it detracted from his sex appeal not the slightest jot). His peaceful day-long siestas are disturbed, however, by the arrival of John Shooter (John Turturro), a backwater hick from Mississippi who turns up on his doorstep accusing him of stealing his story about a man plotting the murder of his wife. Shooter gives him three days to prove Rainey wrote the story first, then jumps the gun (pun intended) and proves he means business, first by killing Rainey's dog, then torching his wife's house (they are in the middle of a divorce), then by killing Rainey's private detective (Charles S. Dutton, on who we commented how it is impossible to leave out any part of his name, like John F. Kennedy, Michael J. Fox and Charles Nelson Reilly) AND a random passerby who saw Shooter with Rainey. Okay, psycho killer stalker on the loose and what does Rainey do? He lies down for a little nappy. At this Tery quipped that he deals with problems much the same way that she does. Tery thought she'd figured it out (like she always does) when she blamed Ted (the wife's lover) for hiring Shooter. But then when this theory was brought up halfway through, we realized she was wrong (for once). I jokingly threw out the theory that Shooter wasn't real, just a creation of Rainey's imagination. Imagine my surprise when I was right? See, all of Rainey's naps were actually him "losing time." ("Was I asleep? Had I slept?") This cockamamie idea would never have occurred to me if, like I said, I hadn't seen it already played out in Fight Club and maybe a dozen other movies. Great twist, just 5 years too late to the big screen, Steve.
It was halfway through the climax that the disc started skipping and freezing, to the point that it was completely unwatchable. I tried several times to eject it and clean up a surface that looked as if someone might have been sharpening knives on it. Every time I put it back in we returned to the menu, where Depp voices over the line, "All that matters is the ending. That's the most important part" (supposedly what Shooter wants all along, for Rainey to change the published story's ending back to his). "I KNOW." I seethed through gritted teeth, "I'm TRYING to WATCH it." After multiple attempts and about 10 minutes, we finally got to squeeze out the final 3 minutes of the movie. Not that it was in any way worth all that work, mind you.
What saddened me was how excited the Hollywood Video girl was about it, how many times she assured me what a good movie it was. Perhaps I should leave her a note suggesting instead you-know-what before she innocently misleads other movie renters. But Johnny was still dreamy. 2/5
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Date: 2005-03-28 05:38 am (UTC)~*~Amy~*~
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Date: 2005-03-28 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-28 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-28 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-28 10:53 pm (UTC)No zombies. Just melodrama.
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Date: 2005-03-29 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-29 07:03 pm (UTC)Back when Tery and I were going out, all she ever wanted to watch was movies with lesbians in them. Then she'd get all crazy horny and just wear me out.
::sigh::
What a woman...