grrgoyl: (ewan stoli)

On Gay Guy's belt loop-less pants: He's doing the advanced maneuver, the belt without belt loops; because he's gay I thought I'd give him an extra challenge.

Boy, the guys had their work cut out for them. This week's straight guy was gay, and more hopeless than any other straight guy, I must say. Wayne had the personality of a turnip, was fugly as hell with back hair and male pattern baldness, more tightly wound than a Republican, exhibiting serious anger issues the minute he was left alone. He has eaten nothing else his whole life but hot dogs, hamburgers and mac & cheese, with a virtual phobia of vegetables. (Even I have more variety than that, and I am extremely picky.) He was also, amazingly, single, and I suspected he was in love with one or all of the Fab 5 as evidenced by his complete inability to look any of them directly in the eye. They tried valiantly, but their magic can only do so much. He told them he secretly wanted to be an entertainer so they planned an open mike night for his "coming out" party; then he spent the entire time stressing over it. I felt for him, I really did. I would be terrified being forced to perform in front of a bunch of strangers, but towards that end I wouldn't tell the Fab 5 it was my secret wish.


Ted (after Wayne has a minor meltdown because he can't find the case for his new glasses): We should have got him a bong.

Okay, when TED thinks you're uptight, it's time for therapy.

Also, what was up with Jai's "Queer Eye Hip Tip" of having a second pack of shuffled cards on hand for poker night? Because gays are known primarily for their fabulous poker parties, apparently. And why would you need a second pack of cards? Why not just shuffle the original pack? I think Jai is really stretching to maintain his usefulness on this show.

grrgoyl: (Hot Emmett)

Ted: Looks like the coach has a panoramic window overlooking the locker room.
Carson: I gotta get me one of those.


On short Straight Guy's prolific body hair everywhere but his head: The word our people have for you is "cub."

On Straight Guy trying to blow the engraved coach's whistle the Fab 5 got him: You'll get the hang of it. I'll show you later upstairs.

On Straight Guy coach illustrating elaborate strategies on the board to his girls volleyball team: What the HELL is he talking about?

Speaking of Carson and Ted, either we are misreading the subtext or there are shenanigans going on between them now. We didn't think much of it when they were seen "sledding" together on Straight Guy's discarded furniture in the front yard. But then in the wrap-up Ted made some joke about why Straight Guy and his wife would rather eat parfait than "kiss like we do" and went to demonstrate on Carson. And when Carson went on about something the camera was pointed towards Ted over his shoulder, and he looked like he just couldn't get enough of him...his eyes were all shining, his face was GLOWING. And when they went to make the toast, Ted's hand was most definitely on Carson's back. Awwwww, young gay love....*sigh*

And who can blame him? I saw Carson's new goldfish crackers commercial. Such a thing of beauty, particularly all in black. Almost makes me wish I were a gay man sometimes.
grrgoyl: (Default)

Entering Straight Guy's dirt floor cellar that doubles as his closet:

(in Hannibal Lecter voice) Can you hear the lambs, Clarice?
grrgoyl: (Hot Emmett)

On Vince Neil of Motley Crue taking requests at Straight Guy's radio promotion concert:

I don't suppose he knows anything from My Fair Lady?
grrgoyl: (Default)
Putting cowboy boots on Straight Guy:

These still have the security tag on them, which is not a good look usually. It is a little too Winona Ryder for my taste.


Straight Guy (as Carson pulls his new shoes off): These shoes aren't going to make me gay, are they?

Carson: No. But this will. (reaching around behind Straight Guy)

I have to say Straight Guy this week was cute but a complete ass. And certainly doesn't have enough wit or charm to qualify him as an "on-air personality." I think he needs more improvement than the Fab Five are capable of.

Tery finally agrees with me that Kyan takes himself (and his area of expertise) FAR too seriously, and his lack of humor just destroys his gorgeous looks. That's okay, as long as we have Carson I'm a happy grrl.

grrgoyl: (Default)
Carson Quote of the Week:

(Watching daughter painfully trying to wring out some lemon juice):

Now shouldn't they have a lemon squeezer? That poor thing, she's gonna get carpal tunnel!
grrgoyl: (Default)

(yes I am a little late. I've been working every single night and only just now got to watch it.)

After watching Straight Guy break a vintage martini shaker, totally botch the drinks and h'ors douevres, then explode a bottle of tonic all in the kitchen: That kitchen is placed on an Indian burial ground.

Honorable Mention:

Ted: Maybe we need to just go back there and do another visit.
Carson: After they get out of the Emergency Room from alcohol poisoning and salmonella....
grrgoyl: (Default)

Wow the final episode threw me for a loop. I don't dare say more in case certain people ::::eyeing [ profile] bohemian_charm meaningfully:::: missed it again. Suffice to say that almost all my assumptions and certainties were way off base. Lucky thing I'm not a gay man, I guess.


Carson Quote of the Week:

I was shopping all over Soho today looking for size 14 shoes, and you would have thought I was asking for the head of LaToya Jackson on a plate.

Honorable Mention:

Thom on gaudy religious picture in the bathroom: (in Southern Baptist accent) Do you like poopin' with Jesus?

Sidenote: What was UP with Carson's hair at the end? For someone who is suddenly so touchy-feely with Kyan, Grooming Expert, I would think his new lover would steer him clear of frizzy 80s perms. Tery and I figure next week is a repeat so he has a chance to recover from this horrid mistake.
grrgoyl: (Default)

Laying out some pages of magazines for Straight Guy:

These are things that I pulled when I was thinking about you. I pulled some other things when I was thinking about you too.....

(this is the first episode we have seen where Straight Guy actually got a little fahklempt when the Fab 5 left. LOL)
grrgoyl: (Default)

Straight Guy (on girlfriend's outfit): It accentuates your boobajubes!

Carson (pretending to dab at eyes): What a romantic...
grrgoyl: (Default)
Well, there were certainly some surprises on BMB last night. When I took exception to all the guys freaking out when Michael revealed his bisexuality, Tery humorously commented, "People just don't like 'em, honey!" LOL I tried to argue "Well which is worse.....a bisexual or a lying sack of shit like Dan?" She had to stop and think about it! Oh, the nerve.

Which was all a moot point since it turned out both Michael AND Dan were straight. Michael sure was a good actor, all puppy dog eyes and heartbroken on the way out....I felt hugely sorry for him! I was not at all surprised that Dan was, though... although he gave the best speech about knowing now how hard it is for gays to pretend to be something they aren't until they HAVE to come out and live their lives honestly for the world. I almost liked him after that......

I'm still pushing for my man, Franklin. There's something so Harry Connick, Jr. about him, I don't know. If not him then I hope Robb wins, he looked so sad he couldn't get the one-on-one time with James. Tery is rooting for Sean of all people (she calls him David Arquette)....I don't know, with all the hair he looks too much like a frat boy in a garage band, and I suspect he might be the last breeder (although he might dance too well to be straight). Time will tell, I don't know how many eps are left.

Queer Eye wasn't as funny this week as usual, but there was this:


on Straight Guy losing his new contact lens and winking convulsively over dinner:

"Maybe he's got Tourette's....."

(sorry, it's not much, but this episode didn't do too much for me.)

And that's the Bravo primetime gay report!

grrgoyl: (Default)
*New Feature*

Priceless Carson Quote of the Week ("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"):

On Straight Guy's habit of shaving his head with just water:

Straight Guy (to friends): They didn't like the way I shaved with just water.
Carson (watching on hidden camera): Wow, those gays are smart....shaving cream!


grrgoyl: (Default)

December 2011

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