Dec. 11th, 2007

grrgoyl: (sirius black)
I've come full circle in my conversational Spanish/English. Last weekend I stopped in the grocery store after my shift, bundled up in two coats, gloves and scarf. I walked past a seƱorita who asked me pleasantly, "How are joo?" "I'm good, thanks" I smiled at her. She regarded me for a moment and added, "Is cold!" I laughed, though she probably didn't know why. "Yes, it's very cold!"

Weather: The Great Cultural Unifier.

~*~

It should come as a surprise to absolutely no one (except perhaps [livejournal.com profile] kavieshana, who I thought knew me much better) that Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix is already in my possession. I waited all day yesterday like it was Christmas Eve for midnight to come, whereupon I made my usual pilgrimage to Walmart (yes, I know Walmart is the Antichrist. But they're the only ones open 24 hours who don't lock up new releases and make clerks with keys frustratingly scarce in the middle of the night).

I was slightly anxious when there was no pallet of 1000 copies greeting me by the registers, but I proceeded to Electronics, refusing to be deterred. There I found a nervous young salesclerk with already one couple staring at him, waiting for I'm not sure what. He asked me what I needed and he immediately walked over to a stack of unopened boxes where there happened to be one two-disc special edition perched on top, as if it was just waiting for me. I was excited until he grabbed it and then set it down beside him on the register. What?

It turns out Walmart has a new policy where brand-new releases can only be paid for in Electronics. It makes little sense to me; it seems that people would be just as likely to steal them a week later as they would be the first day of release. What makes even less sense is instituting this policy and then leaving a low level clerk with no authority to open his own register alone in the department, which is what we were all waiting for 10 minutes later. I felt vindicated that I wasn't alone -- the previously mentioned couple were also there for the HP, as well as a man and woman who came up behind me. As we continued to wait, he asked them what they needed. When the woman was offered more than one choice in versions (widescreen, fullscreen, special edition, two-disc special edition, plus the Walmart exclusive with a set of bookmarks) she asked, "Ummmm, what's the special edition?" Good God. What are you doing there at 12:01 if you don't know exactly which you want? Amateurs.

But got it I did. It has a sparkly, vaguely 3D cover which only underscores the disappointing lack of a 3D ending, but I love it nevertheless. The bonus features, paltry though they may be, will have to wait for another day, as I could barely finagle use of the TV long enough to watch the movie as it was. This third viewing of it cements it as my new favorite of the series, at least until HBO starts playing it three times a day and I get as sick of it as I am of Goblet of Fire. But I love Harry's emo haircut more with each viewing. I'm also not sure if it's our Aquos or the luxury of rewinding as often as I please, but it seemed Snape's Worst Memory lasted a LOT longer than it did in the theater (even has its own handy bookmark on the menu) and looked a lot clearer. However, I reflected yet again more bitterly about how we spend so much damn time lingering on Hagrid's brother Grawp, who ultimately is nothing in the rest of the story, while Snape is added seemingly as an afterthought in the film. But I guess I have to face that I'll never be happy with the amount of Snape content until the movie version of "Hogwarts: The Potions Master Chronicles" is released.

~*~

Speaking of the Potions Master, I think I've found an Alan Rickman movie that I don't have the slightest urge to buy or bootleg. Help! I'm a Fish! is a crappy, low budget animated movie made in Denmark. I'd seen clips of it on YouTube, but was confused about the fact that it had already been released because the title had been changed to A Fish Tale in America. I found it on Netflix and gave it a look-see.

Fly, his little sister Stella and his fat, dorky cousin Chuck go fishing and stumble across the hidden lair of Professor MacKrill (voiced by Python Terry Jones), who is conducting experiments on turning humans into fish. There's nothing sinister about Professor MacKrill or his research (though being a children's movie, no one ever asks why humans would WANT to turn into fish); in fact, he's kind of a ditz, and can only remember the necessary ingredients of his potion by singing a really, really gay song. Naturally disaster wastes no time in striking, and the children are all turned into fish and lost at sea. They have 48 hours to take the antidote before the transformation is permanent.

But of course the antidote has gone missing in the ocean, and is found by Joe (Rickman), who drinks it and develops human intelligence. This just cracks me up: Joe, evil fish genius. Joe. Why not Mike? Or Frank? Joe. Moving on. Joe immediately starts doling out the potion (but in measured doses so the other fish aren't TOO smart) and becomes their leader. The primary use they put this intelligence to seems to be constructing a vast assembly line to dispense more antidote and nothing else. Alan et.al. sing an even gayer song (in the style of Jeremy Irons' Scar in Lion King) extolling Joe's virtues (LOL! Joe). This being a children's movie, it's never explained how making fish more intelligent will result in world domination. I guess just the idea of fish taking over the world is frightening enough all on its own.

Blah blah blah, the kids go through all kinds of obstacles to make more antidote and get back to the Professor's lab so they don't return to human form on the bottom of the ocean. Unfortunately Joe follows them, but is easily outwitted by Fly, who challenges him with a series of brainteasers until he drinks so much antidote that he becomes fully human and drowns. They do say that pride comes before the fall. As he floats lifelessly away, we can see a little flash of Joe's naked bum, which isn't nearly as titallating as Alan's.

There's a happy ending, but what really cracked me up was the end credits (punctuation mine). ALAN RICKMAN as Joe! TERRY JONES as Professor MacKrill! Then, "Additional Dialogue" covers everyone else, who were actually the main players. I thought this ripped off Finding Nemo (there's an Australian-accented shark and one scene with prominent angler fish) but evidently this was made 3 years before Nemo. I think they might have a good chance at a lawsuit.

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