grrgoyl

My, my, my I've been quiet. TOO quiet. Which is good news for everyone, because instead of writing a hugely epically long post, I'm forced to reduce it to key highlights from sheer lack of memory. So I have those, plus a large number of mini-movie reviews.

First, to wrap up the Parade of Homes 2011! I've been back to MyFriendDeb's to go on an unrelated outing. She wasn't exactly ready when I arrived, however, her pace of preparing to leave could be described as "hustling" if not "frantic," and we walked out the door five minutes later rather than twenty. If you knew Deb like I know Deb, that right there is as good as an apology, my friends.

In fact, Ryan was supposed to join us that day, but bailed at the last minute because he was spending the previous night with John (translation: drinking). While I'm not thrilled he's regressed back to him after more than a year's break, hey, whatev, I'm not his mother. But as I told Deb, I just knew it would be followed by a Facebook pity party about how much his life sucks and bemoaning being surrounded by losers all the time.

Sure enough, that night Tery was checking her page when she read it to me: "Last day off for 8 weeks and I didn't even do anything fun -- laundry and Facebook. Yippee." My first impulse was to comment "Awww, too bad you don't have cool friends that invite you out to an awesome day in the mountains." But I knew he was probably hoping for/expecting something from me, so I gave him stony silence instead. Because I'm done. And if you know me, it takes a lot for me to be done, but I'm there.

~*~

Tery FINALLY gets mountain biking. She lowered her saddle by two inches, and that has made all the difference between feeling like she was in control and feeling like she was going to pitch over the handlebars any minute. It also helped her feet reach the ground for dabbing, something she couldn't do before and something I was unaware she couldn't do. I wish I could take credit as her mentor, but the suggestion was made by an older woman hiker on the trail who noticed Tery sitting too high. Consequently we returned to Little Scraggy and, as predicted, she loved it--though probably wouldn't have without the adjustment. She is putting together a little video of our adventures that might be published here. Turns out she's quite the Steven Spielberg, because there wasn't much to work with.

~*~

Oh right, so I'm on the pill! Which still sounds weird to say a week later. I'm happy to say it was simply a matter of going to the clinic and asking for it: No intrusive questions about why I wanted it or lectures on the moral implications, etc. (Of course I did go to Planned Parenthood which might have had something to do with it). Didn't even have to lie about only wanting it until November and that was all, just "how many packs would you like?"

Tery's first reaction to the news was "Great. You're free to sleep with guys now," as if her only objection was with unwanted pregnancy (it certainly is not).

I spent the second day researching possible side effects, which include headaches, nausea, breast enlargement (PLEASE GOD NO), weight gain and mood swings. This last one worried me the most (not helped by kavieshana's reassuring "You're about to turn into Queen Megabitch") -- I'm unsettled by the thought my mood can be artificially affected (control issues), and I spent the day imagining that a mood swing was gestating inside me like a chestburster alien. Tery isn't concerned about it; she thinks it's not something I would consciously notice, and anyway she's holding out hope that I'll be nicer, as if I'm so mean now there's nowhere to go but up (I really don't think I am).

There was one incident when we realized twenty minutes too late that the new "Office" wasn't recording, but I'd like to think that would have happened with or without chemicals. Other than that I've experienced a few episodes of random and extremely intense horniness, which I might blame on the medication. But if that's the worst that happens, I can certainly live with it.

~*~

In biking news, I think I've seen the guy whose picture you find when you look up the word "dickhead."

On my route I have to cross traffic three times, which is only a big deal during rush hour, as I've stated before when people don't care about anything but getting to work (or home) and God help anyone that gets in their way. One of these intersections is by far the worst, and that is where our story is set.

In fact this was afternoon, so the traffic was (mostly) returning home. I waited on the curb with a fellow lady biker and a male pedestrian. At one point the traffic cleared, no cars coming, so we all started across (it wasn't just me taking liberties here). We had almost made it to the opposite curb when traffic started coming over the hill. Let me explain that from the top of this hill drivers have clear visibility all the way to the intersection, a good 100 yards or so. Plus there were three of us in a big cluster, not one lone hard-to-see person. In theory, should be plenty safe for everyone, right?

As we were all just about to reach the opposite curb, the guy whose lane we were crossing (an SUV. Act surprised) suddenly slammed on his brakes so they would let out a dramatic ear-splitting squeal, as if it was a blind turn and he had just noticed us and came within inches of hitting us. You know damn well he saw us from the top of the hill, and you know damn well he deliberately avoided braking until getting right on top of us (in fact might have even accelerated a little) just so he could do that. Really? You want to be That Guy? Because no one likes That Guy.

Dick. Head.

I've found forums about traffic laws featuring bitter arguments in the comments over who the bigger idiots are, cyclists or motorists. Obviously it's a case-by-case basis, but I think motorists are by far more careless and dangerous -- most of the time they barely notice each other, let alone someone not driving two tons of death-dealing steel. And I include myself in this category: I'll admit I've almost hit people in the crosswalk because I wasn't paying attention. And conversely I'll admit I've done some stupid things on a bike because I made an incorrect split-second decision. But a cyclist's bad judgment will get themselves hurt more often than a motorist, whereas the converse isn't true.

I think one solution would be a mandatory day on a bike for everyone (I'd actually love a week, but let's be realistic), so they can get a tiny taste of how scary it is trying to negotiate traffic with people who either don't see you or who don't think you deserve to be on the road. And I nominate That Guy to take the first shift.

~*~

Now, movies! Oodles and oodles of movies! So many that these are mostly mini reviews. No spoilers really, except maybe for one or two you've never heard of/couldn't care less about. I've bolded all the titles so you can skim easily. Behind the cut: 127 Hours, Wrecked, The Reef, Trollhunter, Shiver, Piranha (1978 and 2010), Insidious, The Last Airbender, and Paul.

( ::I have too much free time:: )

But first...I give you Ross inventory Friday night.

It all started when I counted this item in the food aisle:



and I couldn't resist showing Gerry, adding the statement "I like my oatmeal like I like my men....thick and rough." Or, more accurately, "thin and unable to hold a spoon."

Over the course of the night the joke was repeated ad nauseum, until it degenerated into, "I like my oatmeal like I like my arms...ropey and hairy" (Gerry's arms are just so) and finally, in Intimate Apparel, "I like my oatmeal like I like my panties...polka dotted and crotchless."

In the cold light of day the following morning, and judging from Tery's tepid reaction, I realized it isn't THAT funny. But on the flip side of a 6-hour inventory, at the end of a long day, at the end of a long week, we had tears in our eyes and difficulty breathing. Good times.

I'm sure our co-workers thought us quite, quite mad.

And now, because you can't sit and fume about our inept government all the time, I rented The Jacket.

People may remember way back when I first realized my love for Adrien Brody. All this time my love has been simmering on a back burner, though certainly not forgotten. So for his starring role, I was drawn to this movie.

It was compared to The Butterfly Effect (a fair comparison, if unfortunate, as I wasn't too crazy about that movie) as well as Donnie Darko (also a fair comparison, if a teasing one, as the similarities are not really worth mentioning). Don't you miss the days when movies were able to stand on their own and not examined as a sum of their inspirations? The movie was also marketed inexplicably as a horror flick, but since Adrien was really my main attraction, ask me if I cared about the gross mislabeling.

It had a pretty all-star cast even apart from my boy, with Jennifer Jason-Leigh, Kris Kristofferson, Kelly Lynch and Keira Knightley (and I just realized after typing that out that the entire supporting cast's names begin exclusively with J's, K's and L's. Funny).

Adrien plays Jack Starks, a Gulf War veteran who is shot in the head but somehow lives. He returns to society despite suffering retrograde amnesia and is wrongly accused of a murder. He's sentenced to an asylum, where he is subjected to a radical, controversial treatment at the hands of Kris Kristofferson involving a body-length straitjacket and being isolated in the drawer of a morgue cabinet. While in the jacket, he discovers he can travel forward in time, where he hooks up with Keira Knightley (who he meets earlier in the movie when she's a little girl). He also finds out that he dies in the past (or actually, present) and the rest of the movie is devoted to him trying to figure out how so he can prevent it (which is the only Donnie Darko connection I can see).

Got all that? Well too bad, cuz now I'm going to pick it to pieces. And I can't do that without the use of some ( ::spoilers:: )

Despite the faulty ending, and the arguably faulty messing around with the time/space continuum with no apparent consequences, I actually really liked this movie. It sucks that there's no commentary on the disc and I've already watched most of the bonus features, but the story (and of course my Adrien) was interesting enough that I think I'd like to watch it a few more times. Actually 4 out of 5.

My younger sister Amy visited me this week from Boston. Thankfully her idea of a good time more or less matches mine. She also likes watching movies and spending as little money as possible. So $20 at Hollywood Video buys a week full of good times. Here are my reviews on most of what we watched:


RENTALS

( ::Dummy:: )

( ::The Station Agent:: )

( ::Hellboy:: )

( ::Kill Bill Vol. 2:: )

THEATER

( ::The Village:: )

( ::Fahrenheit 9/11:: )

On a TOTALLY unrelated note, did anyone else think the Olympic cauldron looked like a gigantic doobie?