The Socially Awkward and Accessory Smegma
May. 13th, 2005 02:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grrgoylLast night we did a store which will go unnamed, but it is essentially a slightly more upscale discount clothing chain along the lines of TJ Maxx or Ross. These stores, on top of attracting a decidedly less...hygienic clientele (Exhibit A: dirty diapers left hidden in the back of a shelf, though thankfully I haven't personally experienced this in awhile) also seem to find the strangest people to employ. There are different levels of strange though. A person can be strange and antisocial (like me) but still know enough to function fairly normally in mixed company. Then there are the strange and socially awkward, which is how I would describe the woman I will talk about and possibly mock in just a few sentences.
Like I said, this store has more ambience than its seedier cousins, including a barred enclosure in the center of the store housing the leather coats. This was where Tery and I were sent to count, typically a pretty cake job (people thankfully usually refrain from depositing baby refuse in leather). The coats were nice, the counting was good, however we had to deal with the leather manager. Physically speaking she was quite a character, short, pudgy, so badly cross-eyed it was hard to tell where to look when speaking to her, and so farsighted she needed to literally press her nose to the paper to read it. Hoo boy.
1) Tery very early on called for help with one of the price tickets. This happens very frequently during every inventory and to us is not a big deal. But this woman took the news as if Tery HAD found fecal material in the coat, flying into a tizzy, summoning her (just as strange) assistant, and obsessing needlessly on it. "I was so careful to make sure every single coat had a ticket!!" she wailed dramatically. Meanwhile I also needed help with one of my tickets but hesitated to ask, fearing I would push her those last few inches into an abyss of despair. Inappropriately emotional reactions: check.
2) After she recovered from that blow to her psyche, she began checking our areas to make sure we didn't miss anything. She stopped and exclaimed to no one in particular, "I count these racks every day and I STILL have to count them again!!" Interesting. Sadly, not nearly so much when she repeated the observation later, and still less so after the third time. Awkward repetition of statements that no one cares about: check.
3) I was counting men's coats with my back to her when I heard some kind of bodily noise, followed by an "Oh god. I knew I shouldn't have had those onions" followed by a screech across the enclosure to her assistant, "Antonio!!! I gotta go get some Tums!!" Yeah. Failure to recognize when there is simply too much information being shared: check.
4) She started making idle chitchat with us while we counted. "This is my last inventory here!" she announced excitedly. "Oh really?" I politely responded, wondering where else she would possibly fit in if not this store. "Yep. Pretty soon I'm moving to Men's!" I exchanged looks with Tery. Barely-contained excitement over moving to a department 10 feet away: check. Bonus TMI: She explained her husband was taking over Leather and she wouldn't want to work with him anyway because "he's mean!" Lady, I've known you for 20 minutes and look how mean it makes me...
Still, if she's married then there's hope for anybody. Except we have a woman that works for us who could have been her sister, complete with a rather off-putting habit of loudly snorting and coughing as she blows her nose on her own arm. As far as I know she's single and always will be.
Of course, I could have just been ornery due to starting my day by doing laundry. After dumping the detergent in I noticed there was a pair of boxers still in the washer. Unsure of their status, I unthinkingly pulled them out and took a sniff. No, taking in a snoutful of laundry detergent is NOT a good way to start one's day. In the future I'll just play it safe and wash them a second time.
But I can tell I worked late last night by the fact that today I am more interested in detailing my watch than working. There has to be 5 years' worth of store dirt, grime and smegma built up in every crevice. Blech.
Think I'll go make some lunch.
Like I said, this store has more ambience than its seedier cousins, including a barred enclosure in the center of the store housing the leather coats. This was where Tery and I were sent to count, typically a pretty cake job (people thankfully usually refrain from depositing baby refuse in leather). The coats were nice, the counting was good, however we had to deal with the leather manager. Physically speaking she was quite a character, short, pudgy, so badly cross-eyed it was hard to tell where to look when speaking to her, and so farsighted she needed to literally press her nose to the paper to read it. Hoo boy.
1) Tery very early on called for help with one of the price tickets. This happens very frequently during every inventory and to us is not a big deal. But this woman took the news as if Tery HAD found fecal material in the coat, flying into a tizzy, summoning her (just as strange) assistant, and obsessing needlessly on it. "I was so careful to make sure every single coat had a ticket!!" she wailed dramatically. Meanwhile I also needed help with one of my tickets but hesitated to ask, fearing I would push her those last few inches into an abyss of despair. Inappropriately emotional reactions: check.
2) After she recovered from that blow to her psyche, she began checking our areas to make sure we didn't miss anything. She stopped and exclaimed to no one in particular, "I count these racks every day and I STILL have to count them again!!" Interesting. Sadly, not nearly so much when she repeated the observation later, and still less so after the third time. Awkward repetition of statements that no one cares about: check.
3) I was counting men's coats with my back to her when I heard some kind of bodily noise, followed by an "Oh god. I knew I shouldn't have had those onions" followed by a screech across the enclosure to her assistant, "Antonio!!! I gotta go get some Tums!!" Yeah. Failure to recognize when there is simply too much information being shared: check.
4) She started making idle chitchat with us while we counted. "This is my last inventory here!" she announced excitedly. "Oh really?" I politely responded, wondering where else she would possibly fit in if not this store. "Yep. Pretty soon I'm moving to Men's!" I exchanged looks with Tery. Barely-contained excitement over moving to a department 10 feet away: check. Bonus TMI: She explained her husband was taking over Leather and she wouldn't want to work with him anyway because "he's mean!" Lady, I've known you for 20 minutes and look how mean it makes me...
Still, if she's married then there's hope for anybody. Except we have a woman that works for us who could have been her sister, complete with a rather off-putting habit of loudly snorting and coughing as she blows her nose on her own arm. As far as I know she's single and always will be.
Of course, I could have just been ornery due to starting my day by doing laundry. After dumping the detergent in I noticed there was a pair of boxers still in the washer. Unsure of their status, I unthinkingly pulled them out and took a sniff. No, taking in a snoutful of laundry detergent is NOT a good way to start one's day. In the future I'll just play it safe and wash them a second time.
But I can tell I worked late last night by the fact that today I am more interested in detailing my watch than working. There has to be 5 years' worth of store dirt, grime and smegma built up in every crevice. Blech.
Think I'll go make some lunch.
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no subject
Date: 2005-05-13 09:08 pm (UTC)That reminded me of the Restaurant Sketch and I started laughing, wondering if Mungo would come rushing in from the men's department brandishing a cleaver.
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Date: 2005-05-13 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-13 09:24 pm (UTC)ROFL