grrgoyl

I hereby take back everything I said about the health industry. Today I got the hospital bill: $5300 with $4300 discounted. I can't complain about that, no sir. I'm just happy it's not hanging over my head any more. Almost makes me regret applying for insurance.

~*~

I went to the movies yesterday with Ryan (still wallowing in the Evil John's clutches, trying to decide how badly he wants to escape) and Kristin, my sometime movie friend. I wanted to see Avatar again, but Ryan had already seen it once and Kristin didn't really seem all that enthusiastic about it.

This left kind of slim pickings of what was playing. I would have been happy having them over to my place for some recent Blu-ray releases. I have a library of over 200 movies; in theory I shouldn't ever have to go to the theater again. But we all want to see the latest and hottest big screen titles.

The choice was between Daybreakers and Legion, except Daybreakers didn't start until 9 pm or some craziness. Guess it can only be watched by vampires? So by default it was Legion. I would like to make it clear we by no means were DYING to see this or anything. In fact, the others hadn't heard of it until I mentioned it, so I guess I have to take full responsibility.

Quick summary: God is pissed at us and wants to start over (again). He's sending his legion of angels to do the job, except Archangel Michael still likes us just fine and he leads the counter-attack to save mankind.

Let me begin by saying I had no complaint with Paul Bettany (Michael) at all. He was obviously putting his heart and soul into the role. But sometimes a script is so lame it takes more than the efforts of one man to save it, if there's any saving it at all.

The battle to save Man takes place at a crappy roadstop service station in the middle of East Jepip, Arizona, because it's the location of a nondescript waitress who is carrying mankind's unborn savior. Not a word is said how or why, just trust him. The town is actually called Paradise Falls, which is almost as indulgent as "unobtainium."

Michael (and Gabriel) evidently are allowed to descend as is. The rest of the heavenly host are forced to possess regular folk, which is where all the creepy scenes in the trailer come in -- and believe me, they're ALL in the trailer.

Ah yes, Gabriel. He's the second-in-command after Michael, now in charge since Michael's mutiny. Unfortunately he's played by Kevin Durand, better known as "The Blob" from X-Men: Wolverine, and based on his version of a British accent, I'm going to say his redneck Marine is probably closer to his native dialect.

Disappointingly, Michael fights mainly with guns and the "possessed" are still only mere mortals, making one scene where the horde descends on them only to be picked off like flies (oh, there's plenty of those too, another cliché) resemble a zombie flick more than whatever this movie is supposed to be. But I guess it's this flawed premise that makes it possible to believe that God is ultimately helpless against 6 people armed with automatic rifles.

Kristin was bothered by Michael's divine tattoos. "Angels don't have tattoos!" she whispered to me furiously. "How do you know they don't?" I hissed back just as vehemently. I'm drawing a blank now, but I'm sure angels were given tattoos in at least one other movie. Christopher Walken in The Prophecy, perhaps?

Also I wasn't sure what the point was of Michael and Gabriel fighting when they were both still immortal.

It wasn't ALL terrible. If I were more devoutly religious, I might have let out a little squee when Gabriel's arrival is preceded by a deep, bone-shaking, sepulchral horn that sounded very convincingly like the sonic equivalent of "you're fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked." That was actually pretty awesome. And the scary bits from the trailer were well done, I just found myself getting really restless during all the long, boring, talky bits in between.

I agree with most of the reviews, it starts out very promising, then completely loses steam halfway through and never recovers. I felt so bad for dragging my friends I offered to refund their money.

It wasn't a complete waste though. According to the trailers, Rorschach is the new Freddy Krueger. I don't mean this in a "white is the new black" way. I mean Jackie Earle Haley is the new Freddy Krueger. I don't have any affinity for the franchise, but THIS I would go see.

I think Jackie is a fabulous choice, but honestly, Robert Englund could probably play the role until he drops dead of a heart attack while chasing sleepless kids around. That makeup would easily hide any normal wear and tear on his face. (but rumor has it he doesn't want to play Freddy anymore)

~*~

I'll leave you with this lovely photo Tery found in our closet: band photo, circa 1978(?)