Jacob how she's been playing him for a chump and killing time until she got to see her vamp lovah again. I would feel bad for him if he wasn’t playing her just as hard. Srsly, “He didn’t ask for you” is secret werewolf code for “He didn’t ask for you because he doesn’t care about you. Why would he? You’re worthless, no one could possibly care about you but me”.
Question: Why the HELL would Edward call, all the way from Italy no less, and ask for Bella's FATHER?? Answer: Um, from a practical stand-point, because he thinks Bella might be dead. Why would he ask for her? Also, the whole point is that he’s trying not to speak to her, even if she is alive.
Answer: This is Stephanie's painfully awkward and heavyhanded attempt to set up a Romeo and Juliet scenario for Bella and Edward. Remember English class back at the beginning of the movie? Stephanie lost the very tiny little bit of respect I might have started to have for her with this ridiculously ludicrous and unsubtle bit of writing. Oh you, with your pre-Twilight literacy. Thousands of young adolescents probably think this is a Really Original Idea.
Unless maybe Paul "Peewee Herman" Reubens auditioned. (Wait, he already played a vamp, in the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. And was about as scary as these mooks.) Yeah, but how funny was his death scene?
I'm sorry, the European vamps in Interview with the Vampire were truly otherworldly and intimidating (and could all manage a British accent). This seems like a pale, pale imitation of them that really failed for me. Yeah, but these vamps can have sex. Maybe eventually, after marriage and all. They’re god-fearing vamps.
The Volturi release them after a vague threat to kill Bella that's quickly forgotten when Alice claims she's seen Bella become a vamp in the future. SPOILER ALERT: There’s actually a tiny bit of forethought here, unless it’s just evidence of S.M. backtracking I book 3 to explain what happened in book 2. It turns out, the Volturi want Bella to be turned by whomever because they want to poach her for their Secret Psychic Squad (btw, why don’t movie characters know that if you’re wearing a cloak you are not keeping your society a secret? Everyone is looking at you thinking ‘that person must be in a secret society, or else they are taking food to Grandma’s place’) and they don’t want to brass off Edward and Alice because they want them in their club, too.
Edward isn't happy, but he doesn't let that stop him from asking Bella to marry him. Bipolar much? Jesus. SPOILER ALERT: He does it because he knows she’ll say no. He then makes marriage a condition of her being turned, to which she says “No way! I believe in eternal commitment, but not if we get the state involved.”
Hopefully he'll grow a beard in the next one. Here’s hoping. The scruffy beard really hides his chin. Or hides the fact that he doesn’t have one.
Woah. I have no clue what I just wrote. There will be no editing today. Goodnight.
Did you use the word "heavyhanded" three times in this review? I think it's come up in every comment's spell-check somehow.
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branchandroot
& the third and final strike in my campaign to just babble until you forget what we're talking about
Date: 2010-04-28 04:55 am (UTC)Question: Why the HELL would Edward call, all the way from Italy no less, and ask for Bella's FATHER?? Answer: Um, from a practical stand-point, because he thinks Bella might be dead. Why would he ask for her? Also, the whole point is that he’s trying not to speak to her, even if she is alive.
Answer: This is Stephanie's painfully awkward and heavyhanded attempt to set up a Romeo and Juliet scenario for Bella and Edward. Remember English class back at the beginning of the movie? Stephanie lost the very tiny little bit of respect I might have started to have for her with this ridiculously ludicrous and unsubtle bit of writing. Oh you, with your pre-Twilight literacy. Thousands of young adolescents probably think this is a Really Original Idea.
Unless maybe Paul "Peewee Herman" Reubens auditioned. (Wait, he already played a vamp, in the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie. And was about as scary as these mooks.) Yeah, but how funny was his death scene?
I'm sorry, the European vamps in Interview with the Vampire were truly otherworldly and intimidating (and could all manage a British accent). This seems like a pale, pale imitation of them that really failed for me. Yeah, but these vamps can have sex. Maybe eventually, after marriage and all. They’re god-fearing vamps.
The Volturi release them after a vague threat to kill Bella that's quickly forgotten when Alice claims she's seen Bella become a vamp in the future. SPOILER ALERT: There’s actually a tiny bit of forethought here, unless it’s just evidence of S.M. backtracking I book 3 to explain what happened in book 2. It turns out, the Volturi want Bella to be turned by whomever because they want to poach her for their Secret Psychic Squad (btw, why don’t movie characters know that if you’re wearing a cloak you are not keeping your society a secret? Everyone is looking at you thinking ‘that person must be in a secret society, or else they are taking food to Grandma’s place’) and they don’t want to brass off Edward and Alice because they want them in their club, too.
Edward isn't happy, but he doesn't let that stop him from asking Bella to marry him. Bipolar much? Jesus. SPOILER ALERT: He does it because he knows she’ll say no. He then makes marriage a condition of her being turned, to which she says “No way! I believe in eternal commitment, but not if we get the state involved.”
Hopefully he'll grow a beard in the next one. Here’s hoping. The scruffy beard really hides his chin. Or hides the fact that he doesn’t have one.
Woah. I have no clue what I just wrote. There will be no editing today. Goodnight.
Did you use the word "heavyhanded" three times in this review? I think it's come up in every comment's spell-check somehow.