Computers will be the death of me

Call me old-fashioned with unreasonable expectations, but when I spend $150 on a piece of software, I expect the damn thing to work. I don't expect it to do my laundry or feed the cats, but I do expect it to do what it promises and what it is designed to do.

This was not the case with the subject of my complaint.

One of the biggest rationales (I mean, reasons) for buying my new computer was to use the spiffy new kits I saw that promised to let you transfer analog VHS tapes to DVD. Perfect! Not only do Tery and I have hours of camcordered footage from early in our relationship (some of it quite hilarious and entertaining), but my newfound love for Alan meant getting a lot of his earlier material which was only available on VHS. It would sadden me to no end to watch any of these tapes slowly deteriorate over the years like a dying, fading family member, so I was very excited by the prospect of saving these things on DVD, which, while retaining the substandard VHS quality, would nevertheless not degrade any further.

I went with Adaptec's VideOh! capture card and Sonic MyDVD software (packaged together) based on the salesman's recommendation (plus I am SUCH a sucker for products so cleverly named). Serves me right for not doing any research and picking up the first thing I see on the shelves (unlike my friend Deb, who can't buy a toaster without reading at least two consumer magazines on them. She waited 5 years to buy her first computer before she realized that the Race Against Obsolescence was one she would never win.)

I won't even go into all the problems I had with the product as they are too numerous and technical to list. I visited the Tech Support website so many times that not only was I on a first-name basis with some of the troubleshooters, but I even got an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at one of their homes. But to no avail, no sooner would I resolve one problem than a new one would pop up. It was all I could do to submit further questions without peppering them with a healthy dose of expletives. I was not in the least encouraged by the fact that the website had a "customer forum" littered with other casualties, people who had been fighting this battle longer than I, posting hopeless questions which invariably either didn't get answered at all or they were advised to buy additional software to supplement the Sonic package, or in some cases, told to go with a completely different company. I got to the point where I wouldn't even wait for an answer from the website, I would experiment on my own. One of my problems was solved by opening my computer up and moving the capture card to a different slot. It worked like that for a few hours, then it froze up again, and resolved by moving the card back to the original slot. I am no technogeek, but I AM fairly certain computer hardware is not supposed to be operated by constantly changing its position on the motherboard. I got to the point that I just stopped screwing the cover back on, because I would more than likely need to take it off again in a few hours.

Considering what a lethally impatient person I am, I really think I devoted more time than it deserved in dealing with this impossible software.

Today was the last straw. After fighting through all the obstacles noted above, and wasting at least 5 perfectly good blank DVDs on previous abortive efforts, and against all odds, I FINALLY got a video file to the stage where I could attempt to burn it. It went through its paces, looking very promising, then just at the final stage the DVD was rudely ejected and yet another error message appeared, "could not complete last command because" Jupiter was not properly aligned with Neptune or some equally meaningless explanation.

Tery just happened to be in the room at this moment, and for her sake I refrained from doing any actual physical damage to my surroundings. I just sat in the chair and gripped the armrests until I thought I might pull them off, uttering gutteral nonsense syllables of rage and frustration, then made several (pulled) punches in the direction of the monitor. She said the veins were bulging on my forehead. And needless to say, the cats had run for the hills (or the next best thing, the bedroom) even though in all my temper tantrums I have never done violence to either of them. My biggest rant was how it could possibly be legal for a company to even sell a product so riddled with problems. She of course had no satisfactory answer for me.

I calmed myself and sweetly kissed her goodbye as she left for work. Then I got dressed and headed straight for the computer store where I bought this piece o' shite. The store policy on opened software was an exact exchange for an identical item...well, THAT ain't gonna happen, so I had resolved myself to the unpleasant fact that I would have to bite the bullet and take a loss for the sake of getting some software that actually did what it was supposed to. I summarized my tale of woe to the salesman in that department who, upon hearing my system specifications, frowned and said there was no reason I should be having all these problems. "Well, tell that to my computer" I challenged him. But he gave me a ray of hope when he said I could exchange it for another unit, then if I still had trouble they would refund me and I could try something else. Huzzah! I wouldn't lose my $150 after all!!

So I rushed back home, viciously boxed up the original hellspawn capture card and installation disc, and flew back to the store. The pimply-faced clerk at the exchange desk was a little hesitant about taking it back, as I no longer had the original box (although all the components were present). It was then that I learned there are definite advantages to being a broad-shouldered, mean-looking, very-much-a-woman-on-the-edge. "Well," I said calmly but with an unmistakable you-really-do-not-want-to-argue-with-me tone of voice, "I obviously did not expect to have as many problems with this thing as I did. So I threw the box away." He cheerfully made the exchange and gave me back my receipt. I still wasn't satisfied, though. "Can you write a note or something that I already exchanged this thing once? Because I am NOT going through this process a third time." He gladly jotted a little note to that effect on my receipt.

I returned home, all the while chanting a bitter litany in my head...."There is NO reason why this one should work any better than the first one. There is NO reason why this one should work any better than the first one" but I was buoyed by the promise of store credit and the freedom to pick out something different once this one inevitably proved itself to be equally disappointing. I installed it slowly, following every instruction to the letter. It initially gave me an error message or two so I installed the update patch I had received for the original unit and the updated driver for the card. I even tried changing the slots one last time. The first effort to burn locked my computer up completely and I began to feel smug self-righteous vindication. In my mind I was already composing a letter dripping with sarcasm for my buddies at Tech Support: "PLEASE can I have the version that captures video AND burns DVDs now?" But I gave it one more go. And. It. Worked.

I couldn't believe it. So now another ugly scenario that I hadn't even thought of was occurring. I couldn't in good conscience return the product now, since it technically DID work eventually. Which meant I was stuck with software that would most likely continue to be unbearably hit-or-miss, undoubtedly cause me many more hours of frustration, but which might work occasionally if I played my cards right and made a virgin sacrifice or something.

We shall see. I made it very clear that it was here only for a probational period, and I WOULD return it in a heartbeat if it gave me much more trouble. I only hope computer software is as easily cowed as a rookie salesclerk.

Remember the good old days when all you needed to copy stuff were two VCRs and a $2 RCA cable??

-=Lainey=-