Biblical Rules for Marriage, via Bear

Special thanks to Bear for this. Put THAT in your damn pipes and smoke it, ignoramuses.



BIBLICAL RULES FOR MARRIAGE

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for the
President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of
marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With
any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that
God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action.
After all, we live in a time when no-one knows the difference between a
constitutional conservative and a religious/moralistic conservative --
they practically mean the same thing! (the constition was *inspired*,
right?).

So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a
proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage based fundamentally,
*literally* and entirely on biblical principles (remember the interpretive
rule: "God said it, the inspired wrote, I believe it, that settles it"):


A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one
man and one or more women.(Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in
addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron
11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin.
If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden.(Gen
24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the
constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be
construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the
widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does
not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise
punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut
25:5-10) *

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it
is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if
he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old),
tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies
only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)


-=Lainey=-