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Giftwrapping with Jerry Springer
Dec. 13th, 2004 04:04 pmHaving one of those rare gems, a day off with nothing at all to do, it took some doing to get off the couch and actually do something useful, like wrap presents (my foreboding at this simple task is eloquently explained a few posts back, if anyone is interested). But somehow when I wasn't paying attention the programming had changed to Jerry Springer. Being the trainwreck that it is, I couldn't look away.
Today's topic was "Nightmare Ex's." Manly Stud #1 came out first to complain how his woman is still married because her dick husband won't grant a divorce, and on top of it she has another lover on the side. They bring out the husband, i.e. Manly Stud #2, and the two are at each other's throats like a pair of alley cats. It took three bouncers to separate them and a small army of an audio crew to keep up with all the obscenities being bandied about. The two couldn't stop fighting long enough to even sit in a chair, so they went to commercial. More of the same after the break, so Jerry decided to calm them down by bringing out the other lover, Manly Stud #3. You could tell he was a prize cuz he couldn't say anything without making ridiculous gangsta gestures with his hands like he was rapping. MORE catfighting. The situation was not helped by the husband claiming to have slept with both Manly Stud #1 AND #3. By the time they settled down enough to bring out the woman, two of the three had completely lost their shirts in the melee(s). The air was thick with testosterone even in my living room. I don't mean to label, but needless to say all of these people had very thick, Southern accents (at least from what I could discern from the four words that weren't bleeped out). I expected the woman to weigh about 400 pounds, which would be typical Springer fare, but she was normal sized, if a bit trampy. She was on screen for about a minute when I noticed I was actually bleeding IQ points out of my ears. Straight to the gift wrap for me.
But I couldn't help thinking, "These are the people that got Bush back into the White House. I just know it."
Speaking of giftwrapping, I'm not sure which is more stressful, waiting in endless lines to buy presents, or ordering them all online and then sweating for two weeks about them arriving in time. I really hate Christmas.
Today's topic was "Nightmare Ex's." Manly Stud #1 came out first to complain how his woman is still married because her dick husband won't grant a divorce, and on top of it she has another lover on the side. They bring out the husband, i.e. Manly Stud #2, and the two are at each other's throats like a pair of alley cats. It took three bouncers to separate them and a small army of an audio crew to keep up with all the obscenities being bandied about. The two couldn't stop fighting long enough to even sit in a chair, so they went to commercial. More of the same after the break, so Jerry decided to calm them down by bringing out the other lover, Manly Stud #3. You could tell he was a prize cuz he couldn't say anything without making ridiculous gangsta gestures with his hands like he was rapping. MORE catfighting. The situation was not helped by the husband claiming to have slept with both Manly Stud #1 AND #3. By the time they settled down enough to bring out the woman, two of the three had completely lost their shirts in the melee(s). The air was thick with testosterone even in my living room. I don't mean to label, but needless to say all of these people had very thick, Southern accents (at least from what I could discern from the four words that weren't bleeped out). I expected the woman to weigh about 400 pounds, which would be typical Springer fare, but she was normal sized, if a bit trampy. She was on screen for about a minute when I noticed I was actually bleeding IQ points out of my ears. Straight to the gift wrap for me.
But I couldn't help thinking, "These are the people that got Bush back into the White House. I just know it."
Speaking of giftwrapping, I'm not sure which is more stressful, waiting in endless lines to buy presents, or ordering them all online and then sweating for two weeks about them arriving in time. I really hate Christmas.