A Movie Review 18 Years in the Making...The Lost Boys

Everyone else is clogging up your friends page with commentary on Terri Schiavo, but not me. I thought I'd take a little break from the media circus and watch The Lost Boys again, aired on Sci-Fi the other night.

I loved this movie when it first came out (the year of my high school graduation, I just noticed). Watching it now, though, I see that it is hopelessly dated (moreso than me, I am hoping). I thought Kiefer Sutherland was the hottest vampire I'd ever seen (but then Brad Pitt came along)...seeing him now in 2005, the first thing that smacked me in the face was his big old platinum mullet. It made me sorely miss my sheltered youth before I had ever heard the term "mullet." His isn't even the worst; Marco (better known as "Ted" in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) had a mullet that could make Michael Bolton's mullet cower in shame. Oh, the humanity. So half the "vampire gang" wore mullets, the other half looked like Winger rejects (not Twisted Sister, as they are called in the movie). Now I see that Jason Patric, who I originally considered whiny and lackluster, stood the test of time far better purely by virtue of his lack of mullet-headedness (although his acting is still arguably somewhat lackluster). Corey Feldman's performance is elevated only by the presence of Corey Haim, a loathsome little troll whose character has a life-size poster of Molly Ringwald on his wall, not because he has a crush on her but because he apparently relies on her for fashion tips, right down to his hairstyle (LOVE the ankle-length pastel linen jacket, you "Tiger Beat" fodder you). I remember being morbidly fascinated by the scene of him singing that stupid, annoying song in the bathtub, not realizing at the time that it was only one in a series of humiliating big-screen moments for him. Max, the "head vampire" (sorry if I spoiled it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet) wears shoulder pads AND eyeglasses that would look better on Dame Edna, and has an enormously tacky piece of neon wall "art" in his swinging bachelor vamp pad.

Glaring era references aside, the script that I didn't have the slightest problem with at the time I see now was pretty damn silly, with lines like:

Edgar (Feldman): You probably thought we just worked in our parents' comic book store.
Sammy (Haim): Actually I thought it was a bakery.

S-NAP! You do NOT want to tangle with his scathing comebacks, boyeeeeee. Or this one, for that matter:

Kip Winger Vampire: YOU killed Marco!
Edgar: Yeah, and YOU'RE NEXT!
Winger: No, YOU'RE next!!

*burying face in hands at the death of my innocence*

Sammy: Grandpa, is it true that Santa Clara is the "Murder Capitol of the World"?
Grandpa: Let's just say if all the people buried here got up and started walking around, we'd have one hell of a population problem.

Ummmm, can't this be said for any metropolitan area?

Sci-Fi saw fit to keep all this stupidity in, yet took out the scene with my favorite line, "Some will explode, some implode. But ALL will try to take you with them." Why, Sci-Fi, why?

Also (at the risk again of spoiling it for anyone) at the end Max smirks to Michael, "Never invite a vampire into your home, silly boy...it renders you powerless!" I don't remember Michael inviting David and the gang in, yet inside his house is where the great battle takes place. This unfortunately set the precedent for further inconsistent laws of vampirism employed by Joss Whedon years later for BtVS.

The music still rocked, though, as evidenced by the inclusion of the "Cry Little Sister" theme on a goth compilation CD I bought as recently as a year ago. So cool music + still fairly entertaining story - abysmal acting - embarrassing period cues = 2.5/5 (score back in 1987 would probably have been closer to 4/5)

I just have a subconscious aversion to them, I guess. Vegetables? No. Rude Blockbuster employees.

I love vegetables. I really do. Broccoli, asparagus, peas, corn, even squash...yum. Yet whenever I am charged with buying the ingredients for dinner, I AlwaysAlwaysAlways end up forgetting about the vegetables, so consistently in fact that at this point it is becoming hugely hilarious.

Today for example, I had to get only 5 items: ground beef, ketchup, condensed milk, an onion and broccoli. Simple, no? Well it would be if I wasn't too pigheaded to write them down. My method of grocery shopping is to remember the number of things I am supposed to get, and shop until I have that number of things. The obvious flaw in this plan is that as I wander down the aisles, invariably things get mentally added to the list so often that the original number is quite forgotten.

Before I left I talked to Tery on the phone. "Now what are you getting for dinner?" she asked to test me.

"Ummm, the meat, ketchup...condensed milk....and....don't tell me...an onion!" I was so proud of myself for remembering that last one.

"And BROCCOLI!!!!!" she yelled, exasperated.

"Yeah, and broccoli! And creme eggs!"

"Okay, but I'm not quite sure how those will figure into the recipe..."

Ha, ha, ha we laughed at the time.

You can see where this is going. I sailed blissfully on by, literally within inches of the broccoli, and hell-bent as I was on the onion it registered not the faintest blip on my radar. Until I was halfway home again in rush hour traffic screaming the F-word repeatedly in my car and pounding on my steering wheel. But I did get the creme eggs at least. Who says they don't qualify as a side dish?

In other news I'm just going to stop going to Blockbuster, period. I don't care how bloody convenient it is compared to Hollywood. The chick behind the counter has zero customer relation skills. I waited in line to check for a copy of Finding Neverland behind the desk since the shelf was empty. After making me wait 5 minutes while she talked to a customer on the phone (a huge pet peeve of mine, people who shop by phone), and I politely and patiently stared at the marquee, I asked if they had any. "No." she answered curtly. Not "Sorry, no" or "No but I can have it reserved for you when we get one in" just No period silence. I'm sorry if I'm the 15th customer to ask today but you know, that's your fucking lot in life for taking this job; it doesn't have to be mine to deal with your personal frustration. So I walked away just as rudely although I stopped short of announcing that I was going straight to their competitor, as she probably already knew and/or didn't care. My only regret is not getting her name so I could file a complaint against her, because this is certainly not the first time she has fallen tragically short of my customer service expectations.

So, from Hollywood Video I got I ♥ huckabees (mainly for Tery), Finding Neverland and Secret Window, because I just feel like OD'ing on Johnny for some reason.

Edit: Okay, I lied. I DID send in a complaint about her.

"I was in your store at approximately 3:30 pm on 03/25/05. I was looking for a copy of a new release that wasn't on the shelf so I tried to check for one behind the counter. I did not get the employee's name, but she is a young African-American woman that I have dealt with on multiple occasions in the past. She is always rude and curt with me, and today was no exception. She didn't have a copy, but didn't offer to reserve a copy for me or even apologize for not having what I wanted. I don't expect much from salesclerks, but a small amount of courtesy goes a long way. I don't know if she realizes there is a Hollywood Video right across the street, which is where I will be shopping from this point on because of her. They always have plenty of new titles and their employees are friendly, polite, and don't act like helping me is a huge inconvenience for them. Thank you for your time."

Do NOT fuck with me. Because I am just vindictive enough and have just enough free time to follow up on things if I am pushed too far.