grrgoyl

I called Tery on Friday afternoon and idly asked her what kind of weekend I had ahead of me in Kennel Land. She said, "I'm not sure you want to know." I temporarily forgot to breathe. "What?" I demanded. "Honus is coming in later this afternoon," she blurted out, barely suppressing an evil chuckle. "You are fucking kidding me" was my response. I was far, far from amused. I had promised Tery I would quit if I had to spend every weekend with that goddamn dog, but I had no idea how much of a possibility it was. I should have been clued in by the frequent boarder discount card (get the 7th visit free) in the chart. What the fuck was up with this dog's owners? Could they not bear to spend a single weekend with their own beloved pet?

I'm afraid I had quite the childish tantrum over the phone, perhaps stepping out of line for working there less than a month, but there had to be some perks for being married to the boss. I demanded she require the owners leave a bark collar, or at the very least some powerful sedatives. I ranted at great length about stupid, lazy people who can't be bothered to train their dog and then leave him to become someone else's problem two days out of the week. I tried to make it a less selfish request by pointing out how much he disturbs the other dogs in the kennel, how I'm sure no one sleeps a wink all night long, and how unfair that is to her other clients. Tery bore my tirade patiently as she does all my tirades, and promised to do what she could.

She called back a short time later with good news. He was only staying Friday night, and was having warts removed from his paws so would probably be knocked out on painkillers. I felt these terms were acceptable. To torment me, she sent me this on my phone:



"Awwww," you may be thinking. "The poor thing. He doesn't look so bad. How can you be so heartless?" I didn't think it was possible either, but there we are. I simply loathe this dog. And I guarantee you would too after a few short hours of listening to his ceaseless and increasingly desperate barking.

It turned out the surgery had humbled him somewhat, although he was no longer unconscious by the time I arrived. Instead of barking he was letting out a persistent, high-pitched whine with every breath. Don't get me wrong, this was far better than the barking, but at the end of 8 hours felt exactly like having an ice pick driven millimeter by millimeter through my skull. He was in Recovery where I do all my paperwork, and I had hoped that having me in sight would alleviate what I assumed was separation anxiety, but no. Perhaps his anxiety wasn't helped by being with someone with almost visible waves of animosity radiating off of them, but I couldn't help that. I would hiss sharply, "Honus!!" and he would stop for a breath or two, and then immediately start again. Stupid, stupid, asshole dog.

But the night wasn't a complete loss. This picture was taken primarily for citizenjess. I give you.....wiener puppies!:


Tootsie (4 months) and Schotzy (4 years)

I wish I could have gotten a pic of them sleeping curled up together, but opening the kennel door was always a cause for great excitement. Too, too adorable.

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Blockbuster update: Tery and I got to spend our first Sunday alone together without me having to go to some foolish inventory at night (I am, in fact, missing Whole Foods, which fills me with such happiness I feel like I'm born-again). To celebrate we decided to rent a movie. She had a gift card from Blockbuster and I agreed to go, despite having successfully boycotted them for almost a year and a half now. We settled on The Squid and the Whale, but that's not the point. I somewhat self-righteously observed that their customer service skills have actually deteriorated, if that's possible. We waited in line for the one cashier while his co-worker obliviously sorted returns for reshelving, ignoring us completely. When I got to the counter he had to re-enter all my personal data since I hadn't been there in so long, an exchange that took place mostly through a series of grunts on his end. As we exited the store I told Tery this is precisely why I refuse to go there anymore. They have more competition these days, with Netflix and now McDonald's, and yet their employees are more sullen and unfriendly than ever. Only the magic of a free rental card will ever lure me there again.

After Blockbuster we stopped in the grocery store for a few things. As we were waiting in line at the self-scan checkouts, a woman got behind us carrying a single bag of ice. She started huffing and puffing in outrage. When the man in front of us offered to let her go next, she indicated the cause of her anger: a woman with a 1/4 full shopping cart was blithely using one of the self scans, which are marked 15 items or less. We all watched as Ice Woman loudly sputtered her rage. She was a woman after my own heart, not holding back a single thought. Inconsiderate Woman seemingly didn't even hear her, reaching in and delicately scanning each item with such agonizing slowness you'd have thought she was the only one in the whole store. Tery was uncomfortable about Ice Woman's aggressive display ("She's going to walk out with a bag of water, she's so steamed!") but I agreed with her wholeheartedly. By the time we finished our transaction and walked away, Inconsiderate Woman still hadn't gotten down to 15 items in her cart. What's wrong with people? Everyone thinks only about themselves, and THAT'S what is destroying society, not gay marriage. Mark my words.


Coming soon: V for Vendetta

If I didn't believe in Karma before, I sure do now.

Some of my more long-term readers may or may not remember me complaining about an incident where Tery stood in line at Blockbuster hoping for a copy of The Butterfly Effect from behind the desk for me, only to have an exceptionally rude customer walk in the front door and bellow across the store for it, thus unfairly winning the sole copy.

Tonight I was in the very same Blockbuster with a very slim hope of renting Hero. Nothing on the shelves, so I went to ask the clerks behind the register. Before the guy could even check for me, another customer overheard and offered me the copy he was just at that moment returning (lucky for me he apparently was unaware of the drop box outside). Another clerk dashed over, claiming another customer was looking as well. Step off, beeyatch. What goes around comes around. I know that now.

Also, gakked from ms_hecubus. This couldn't have been more accurate if I had written it myself:

Name Origin: French
Number of Syllables: 2.00
Gender: Female

More interesting facts about the name Elaine:

Lucky Number: 1
Ruling Planet: The Sun
Element: Fire
Primary Color: Red
Traits: Very much the driving life force. A leader. Ambitious. Tends to be impatient. The explorer. The extrovert. Automatically assumes command. Frequently a "big brother" or "big sister". Very strong feelings either for or against. Would not knowingly hurt anyone but might not realize her/his own strength. Can stand being praised and is entitled to it. Praise can spur to greater things.