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grrgoylWeekend the First: Kennels. I had many, many, many bad, bad, bad dogs this weekend. I had Ruffles, the uncontrollable chow, back with a new brother, Horatio the German shepherd puppy, who made Ruffles look like he belonged to Cesar Millan by comparison. This is the same crazy family with 5 cats and a handful of birds besides. I guess it isn't a hardship to get another dog when you aren't going to train that one either.
It needs to be said: I hate puppies. They're like babies, great to visit for short periods of time, but a pain in the ass to live with. Puppies don't know that the outside is for pooping. They don't know that the nighttime is for sleeping. And they don't know that some people need more than sheer cuteness to tolerate their shenanigans. It irritates me because we aren't running an obedience school, and I'm not paid nearly enough to train your puppy for you.
I had Bogart, a min-pin who pooped with clockwork regularity, unfortunately every single time in his kennel. Even after 8 hours with no food, he pooped. So much poop I thought he had to be smuggling it in from other dogs. And he wouldn't just poop, he would poop and then dance around in it, tracking it everywhere. Then go outside where it was raining and become this huge primadonna, tiptoeing around the puddles gingerly. Bogart was 6 years old. If a dog isn't pottytrained at 6 years old, that's the sign of a bad owner. Tery told me he was owned by an elderly woman who probably couldn't walk him properly. Compounding the problem was the fact that, fed up with Bogart's recalcitrance, what did the stupid old woman do but go out and get a 6-month-old bull terrier (who as of yet doesn't poop in her kennel). Bogart probably doesn't poop outside because he spends the entire time fending off the very enthusiastic bull terrier. I simply don't understand.
Oh, how I wished that this was the weekend I left for England, not next.
Speaking of England, Weekend the Second: Today the cheapest fare going is $1313. This is a complete reversal of my usual luck, which in the past would have had the prices plummeting in a steady downward slide, until the day before I left they'd be advertising for paid volunteers just to fill the plane.
Spare PDA battery: Check (I'm worried about keeping my electronic entertainment juiced for the entire flight. Even though I'll likely pass out and sleep the whole way anyway). Gobs of new Snarry to fill my PDA: Check. Period: Check (one of the major deciding factors when I chose dates, because I sure as hell wasn't flying to England with a suitcase full of maxipads. As a bonus, this was one of the shortest, most painless periods of my entire life. I attribute it to the awesome power of the Bowflex changing my metabolism).
Finally, haircut: Check. Which should be a good thing, except I hate it. HATE. IT. Easily one of the top five worst haircuts of my entire life. I don't know what the lady did, but the only way to fix it is to grow it out. In just a week. Grrrrrr.
Weekend the Third: We did Parade of Homes again this year with MyFriendDeb. The theme this year was, of all things, New England. As we shall see, these Coloradan designers have some pretty peculiar ideas about New England. I'm cutting for massive amounts of pictures and equally massive snark. And you can thank this atrocity of a haircut for me not appearing in any of them.
House 1: Celebrations
This house didn't really stand out much until we noticed the rec room bar cabinets had the same drawer pulls we have in our kitchen. As Deb put it, "You've got a foot in the door of Parade of Homes!" We RULE.
In a house with hundreds of existing windows and more balconies than you could shake a stick at, a wall in the living room was painted with this, a mural of a balcony. A bit gratuitous, if you ask me.
House 2: The Boat House
This was actually kind of cool, a swim-up bar in the pool. Though from a distance I thought the stools were just very large pieces of sushi.
Someone's used Band-Aid. NICE.
The interesting thing about this bedroom is the high-def plasma TV over the fireplace. Which is impossible to see from the bed itself thanks to the 90-degree angle and French door in the way. Poor, poor planning.
An expansive bar shaped vaguely like a boat. I can almost guarantee you wouldn't find anything like this in a New England home.
Ahhh, Paddy O'Malley. Sure an begorrah he'll be happy to sit awhile and down a pint or tree wit ye. This photo was, appropriately enough, on the wall just outside the wine cellar.
House 3: The Shore House
Despite this having an almost similar name to the previous (do the designers not speak to each other AT ALL before the Parade?), they were as far apart as night and day. I LOVED the Shore House, so prepare for a barrage of photos.
I loved this simple stained glass pane hanging between the hall and the bar. I mention it only to say that, if any kind of arts & crafts endeavor were to interest me, it would be stained glass. Would love to get into it someday.
The ceiling over the pool table had a huge crossword puzzle on it. LOVE. Tery loved the six LCD TVs positioned on the far wall.
This lamp was cute enough. It just seems to me when staging a multimillion dollar home there HAD to be a better solution to hide that big old cord.
This was awesome. Every home has these drainage window wells in the basement that are usually bare concrete and a real eyesore and jarring considering their plush surroundings. This well was in a bedroom for triplets, accompanied by a seashore mural that went around the whole room. LOVE.
How adorable is this bathtub-like sink for triplets?
...Not nearly as adorable as these galvanized pails as light fixtures. And the closet had a huge galvanized washtub fixture.
This was the only thing I disliked about the house. Someone took a Bedazzler™ to the walls with dubious results.
Deb: "How many perfectly good skipping stones gave their lives for this bathroom?"
Some might recognize these beams from the house I hated the most from 2 years ago. They work much better in a house that isn't so preachy.
Hah! This guy was a laugh. He kept turning up in the sights of my camera and accused me of following him, so I took a picture of him. The Parade room attendant behind him thinks it's the funniest thing he's seen all day. The lady to the right seems to think it's all about her.
The master bath had river rocks embedded in the floor...
...and cool little windows in the huge double shower letting in tons of natural light.
House 4: Tradewinds
I'm including this picture of the exterior because it really didn't have much else to recommend it. Compared to the Shore House, Tradewinds was nondescript and anticlimactic. When I said as much, a woman in passing assured me the upstairs and downstairs were much nicer. After seeing for myself, I wondered if she had been in the Shore House yet.
The only feature that promised to be of real interest, a loft in the master bedroom, was closed to the public.
Look very closely at this staircase. I'm obviously shooting from the top of it. The far set of shelves extend about another two feet above the edge of the photo. How the hell is anyone supposed to reach up there? There must be a way because the shelves were full, but there was no apparent solution offered in the immediate vicinity. Unless you count the stumpy bunkbed ladder in the adjacent children's room.
House 5: Montauk Point at Southshore (A pretty high falutin' name for a house that wasn't really that great)
It seems to me this tribal tattoo-like front door was a little out of place in a house that had a grand piano in the front room.
Tery and I both loved these little windows up high until realizing the glass behind them didn't open, so the propped frames were just for show, not air circulation.
I hated this mirror with an emotion completely out of proportion to the fixture itself. Though if you can see Tery to the left of me there, I think she looks kind of cute.
Tery thought this was the gentleman's cocaine mirror, positioned as it was in the study.
This grand artwork was so crooked on the wall, anyone who looked at it went mad with the urge to straighten it.
I really liked this piece, I couldn't say why. Then Tery suggested it looked like something you'd see on Serenity, and I got a warm gushy feeling inside.
What Deb and I originally took for a pretty hideous use for a tree trunk as free-standing art, turned out to actually be a lamp. You can't see the anemic beam of light coming out of the bottom of it because it was practically invisible in real life as well. Stupid, stupid and ugly.
My favorite part of the parade. The Aurora Reservoir doubles as the Atlantic Ocean in this little New England-ish community. There are trees growing in the center of the water because it hasn't always been a reservoir.
It needs to be said: I hate puppies. They're like babies, great to visit for short periods of time, but a pain in the ass to live with. Puppies don't know that the outside is for pooping. They don't know that the nighttime is for sleeping. And they don't know that some people need more than sheer cuteness to tolerate their shenanigans. It irritates me because we aren't running an obedience school, and I'm not paid nearly enough to train your puppy for you.
I had Bogart, a min-pin who pooped with clockwork regularity, unfortunately every single time in his kennel. Even after 8 hours with no food, he pooped. So much poop I thought he had to be smuggling it in from other dogs. And he wouldn't just poop, he would poop and then dance around in it, tracking it everywhere. Then go outside where it was raining and become this huge primadonna, tiptoeing around the puddles gingerly. Bogart was 6 years old. If a dog isn't pottytrained at 6 years old, that's the sign of a bad owner. Tery told me he was owned by an elderly woman who probably couldn't walk him properly. Compounding the problem was the fact that, fed up with Bogart's recalcitrance, what did the stupid old woman do but go out and get a 6-month-old bull terrier (who as of yet doesn't poop in her kennel). Bogart probably doesn't poop outside because he spends the entire time fending off the very enthusiastic bull terrier. I simply don't understand.
Oh, how I wished that this was the weekend I left for England, not next.
Speaking of England, Weekend the Second: Today the cheapest fare going is $1313. This is a complete reversal of my usual luck, which in the past would have had the prices plummeting in a steady downward slide, until the day before I left they'd be advertising for paid volunteers just to fill the plane.
Spare PDA battery: Check (I'm worried about keeping my electronic entertainment juiced for the entire flight. Even though I'll likely pass out and sleep the whole way anyway). Gobs of new Snarry to fill my PDA: Check. Period: Check (one of the major deciding factors when I chose dates, because I sure as hell wasn't flying to England with a suitcase full of maxipads. As a bonus, this was one of the shortest, most painless periods of my entire life. I attribute it to the awesome power of the Bowflex changing my metabolism).
Finally, haircut: Check. Which should be a good thing, except I hate it. HATE. IT. Easily one of the top five worst haircuts of my entire life. I don't know what the lady did, but the only way to fix it is to grow it out. In just a week. Grrrrrr.
Weekend the Third: We did Parade of Homes again this year with MyFriendDeb. The theme this year was, of all things, New England. As we shall see, these Coloradan designers have some pretty peculiar ideas about New England. I'm cutting for massive amounts of pictures and equally massive snark. And you can thank this atrocity of a haircut for me not appearing in any of them.
House 1: Celebrations
This house didn't really stand out much until we noticed the rec room bar cabinets had the same drawer pulls we have in our kitchen. As Deb put it, "You've got a foot in the door of Parade of Homes!" We RULE.
In a house with hundreds of existing windows and more balconies than you could shake a stick at, a wall in the living room was painted with this, a mural of a balcony. A bit gratuitous, if you ask me.
House 2: The Boat House
This was actually kind of cool, a swim-up bar in the pool. Though from a distance I thought the stools were just very large pieces of sushi.
Someone's used Band-Aid. NICE.
The interesting thing about this bedroom is the high-def plasma TV over the fireplace. Which is impossible to see from the bed itself thanks to the 90-degree angle and French door in the way. Poor, poor planning.
An expansive bar shaped vaguely like a boat. I can almost guarantee you wouldn't find anything like this in a New England home.
Ahhh, Paddy O'Malley. Sure an begorrah he'll be happy to sit awhile and down a pint or tree wit ye. This photo was, appropriately enough, on the wall just outside the wine cellar.
House 3: The Shore House
Despite this having an almost similar name to the previous (do the designers not speak to each other AT ALL before the Parade?), they were as far apart as night and day. I LOVED the Shore House, so prepare for a barrage of photos.
I loved this simple stained glass pane hanging between the hall and the bar. I mention it only to say that, if any kind of arts & crafts endeavor were to interest me, it would be stained glass. Would love to get into it someday.
The ceiling over the pool table had a huge crossword puzzle on it. LOVE. Tery loved the six LCD TVs positioned on the far wall.
This lamp was cute enough. It just seems to me when staging a multimillion dollar home there HAD to be a better solution to hide that big old cord.
This was awesome. Every home has these drainage window wells in the basement that are usually bare concrete and a real eyesore and jarring considering their plush surroundings. This well was in a bedroom for triplets, accompanied by a seashore mural that went around the whole room. LOVE.
How adorable is this bathtub-like sink for triplets?
...Not nearly as adorable as these galvanized pails as light fixtures. And the closet had a huge galvanized washtub fixture.
This was the only thing I disliked about the house. Someone took a Bedazzler™ to the walls with dubious results.
Deb: "How many perfectly good skipping stones gave their lives for this bathroom?"
Some might recognize these beams from the house I hated the most from 2 years ago. They work much better in a house that isn't so preachy.
Hah! This guy was a laugh. He kept turning up in the sights of my camera and accused me of following him, so I took a picture of him. The Parade room attendant behind him thinks it's the funniest thing he's seen all day. The lady to the right seems to think it's all about her.
The master bath had river rocks embedded in the floor...
...and cool little windows in the huge double shower letting in tons of natural light.
House 4: Tradewinds
I'm including this picture of the exterior because it really didn't have much else to recommend it. Compared to the Shore House, Tradewinds was nondescript and anticlimactic. When I said as much, a woman in passing assured me the upstairs and downstairs were much nicer. After seeing for myself, I wondered if she had been in the Shore House yet.
The only feature that promised to be of real interest, a loft in the master bedroom, was closed to the public.
Look very closely at this staircase. I'm obviously shooting from the top of it. The far set of shelves extend about another two feet above the edge of the photo. How the hell is anyone supposed to reach up there? There must be a way because the shelves were full, but there was no apparent solution offered in the immediate vicinity. Unless you count the stumpy bunkbed ladder in the adjacent children's room.
House 5: Montauk Point at Southshore (A pretty high falutin' name for a house that wasn't really that great)
It seems to me this tribal tattoo-like front door was a little out of place in a house that had a grand piano in the front room.
Tery and I both loved these little windows up high until realizing the glass behind them didn't open, so the propped frames were just for show, not air circulation.
I hated this mirror with an emotion completely out of proportion to the fixture itself. Though if you can see Tery to the left of me there, I think she looks kind of cute.
Tery thought this was the gentleman's cocaine mirror, positioned as it was in the study.
This grand artwork was so crooked on the wall, anyone who looked at it went mad with the urge to straighten it.
I really liked this piece, I couldn't say why. Then Tery suggested it looked like something you'd see on Serenity, and I got a warm gushy feeling inside.
What Deb and I originally took for a pretty hideous use for a tree trunk as free-standing art, turned out to actually be a lamp. You can't see the anemic beam of light coming out of the bottom of it because it was practically invisible in real life as well. Stupid, stupid and ugly.
My favorite part of the parade. The Aurora Reservoir doubles as the Atlantic Ocean in this little New England-ish community. There are trees growing in the center of the water because it hasn't always been a reservoir.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-07 11:24 am (UTC)And wow, the Parade of Homes came around quick! I remember your pictures from last year and it doesn't seem that long ago!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-07 03:42 pm (UTC)I think this year we went on one of the first weekends, whereas normally we wait until the end hoping the crowds will die down. I wish we had waited, there were crazy insane amounts of people there.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-07 07:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-07 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-07 11:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-08 04:14 pm (UTC)