Parade of Homes 2010! First installment.

[grrgoyl]

We had an adventure of a different kind this weekend, one that didn't involve Red Bull (kavieshana's contribution): The Parade of Homes 2010!

If you're wondering what became of last year, they changed the format from just seven or eight luxury houses all on the same street to a lot more, in all different price ranges, spread out all over town. And, rumor had it, most of them were unfurnished. None of us could see the appeal of that, so unanimously voted to give it a miss.

This year it's the same deal, except the homes are furnished and for the most part clustered in at least the same neighborhood. And totally free (hoping to lure in more potential buyers), so what better way for a trio of penny pinchers to spend the day?

I should warn you, the benefit of it being free means we might be visiting a different neighborhood some other time, so this might just be the first installment. In fact, this will only be the first installment of the first installment, or I might crash LJ's servers. I assure you, there's plenty in this one for your amusement.

Massive amount of pictures behind the cut -- but also much less of me blathering on.

First up is the Dillon. Don't worry, the names get less silly as we go. As you look through the Dillon, I'd like to direct your attention to the preponderance of green.

Tery models the cocaine bowl in the kitchen. What a perfect start to set the tone of the rest of our tour

I asked someone to take my picture for a change. They told me to take my own, like I do in the mountains. My good friends

Tery has to make sure the "Lilliputian climbers" (Deb's term) aren't alive

We all look so merry. The purpose of this photo is to show you the overwhelming houndstooth wallpaper in the bathroom. "Focal wall," or the lack of one, became a theme for the day

This is the third attempt to fit us all in the shot. We just got more and more giggly with each one

The dude in the armchair (coincidentally wearing green) looks like he wants to fuck. me. up.

Green.

I've got nothing against green. It's just that when I leave a room, I like a little variety when I enter the next one. By the time we finished with the Dillon, I announced, "I'm sick of green. Show me the red house."

Next door was the Daphne. And, well, see for yourself...

Why god, why?

Enough, for the love of god

Hideous 70's wallpaper. Not even a focal wall would have saved it

Deb was quite taken with this ghastly mirror

Ahhh, I need a place for my door collection

Okay, this bureau has a story. See how this drawer won't stay shut?

We tried to reproduce the defect in video:

Remember this bureau.

I forget the name of this next house. Probably because I hated it the most.

This is the only house I'm showing the exterior of. Why? Because I got all excited because it looks like an arts & crafts (my favorite)

However, it was a sham inside. Not a single arts & crafts design element to be seen, and a nightmare seafoam color scheme

Seafoam

Tery: "You know what this house could use?..."

"...More seafoam"

Deb normally rages that the world is designed to accommodate larger people than her; however, this pint-sized tub pissed her off because it's missing half its rim, where you put all your toiletries. You just can't please some people

Hey, I recognize that bureau...

Same design flaw, successfully documented.

Should say "Structure disclaimer: Not an actual arts & crafts"

The next was the Hickory. Same boring floor plan, very similar to what we'd already seen, so we'll skip to the funny stuff.

We wondered why Tery was chuckling to herself up here on the landing

She had found a children's play area, with "Deb-sized furniture." Astonishingly, Deb let her get away with the comment

Don't know why I've got this cat-who-ate-the-canary look

Classy. Someone left their snot rag under the faux toilet seat

Next, the Montgomery:

I liked the Montgomery, despite the color scheme being orange. See how the flow draws you in from the front door

It is possible to have too much orange, in my opinion

I found this pile of "Cats & Dogs" masks. This picture scares Tery

Stupid banister: One side where the spindles are, another side for actual use

I loved this chest of drawers, before realizing it's only four big ones and not sixteen tiny ones

Very comfortable spa tub

An outlet smack in the center of the mirror. Who the hell wants that?

A little boy's room (haha)

Tery's eyes are still watering from the pink assault

That's about halfway. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the first installment!

Comments

[metatronis.livejournal.com]

All banisters need a superfluous decorative facade! Otherwise it's just disgusting.

Oh wow...you should wear that mask around when you don't want people to talk to you. Eep.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

We look at these houses and think, "Whose idea was this? Were you hoping we wouldn't notice?"

Damn, should have stolen it, because there are very, very few instances when I want people talking to me. I could wear it to the hospital! Freak the dogs out ;D

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

The people who want an outlet in the middle of their mirror are the same people who buy leopard and pink curling tongs and worry about having a make-up table.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

Ugh. It just seems there are so many other less obtrusive locations for an outlet, I don't care how many appliances you need to become presentable.

[swankyfunk.livejournal.com]

Door collection, wtf.

Is it me or does that wavy orange rug make everything look 3D? Like those coffee tables look like they're floating!

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

lol You never know when you need to replace a door. Although I shouldn't snark, we took off a bathroom and a closet door and shoved them in a closet (taking up much needed space) on the off-chance we might want to sell this place someday. The enormous storage space in these new homes would sure be handy.

Haha, I hadn't noticed. They look totally photoshopped!

[lizzieloudotcom.livejournal.com]

The door collections looks like the nightmare factory from Monsters Inc.
I love the idea of a closet full of doors. Very surreal.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

So it does. :)

Surreal and meta.

[lizzieloudotcom.livejournal.com]

I thought that too! Or maybe those little wall climbers are underneath, making them hover.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

Haha, well played!

[michelle dombrowski westkamper (from livejournal.com)]

hey there - the door collection has me so puzzled... enjoyed all the pic's and your observations! lol!

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

Hey you :)

It's just a storage space. They probably draw from it when they need a door for any of the homes on the Parade (I'm assuming). Tery called it a collection, sorry that confused you ;)

[minikitkatgirl.livejournal.com]

OMG...what are people smoking when they design these houses? Seriously?? The double banister...I can't even. And the wavy orange rug? You better hope you don't come across that when you're tripping on acid because holy psychedelic freakout, Batman.

But above all else...the HOUNDSTOOTH WALLPAPER. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT FUCKERY. Houndstooth makes me raaaage (it's one of the few patterns that I just can't stand), and I'm pretty sure I'd turn violent if I was in that room for more than five minutes. Or, well, since it's in the bathroom, I'm guessing whoever lives there must have a bad case of constipation and the wallpaper...eases the flow, if you will. Haha.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

LOL Easy, girl. If I'd known you were so enraged by houndstooth...I would have gotten shots of all four walls (just kidding!) Although it doesn't make me feel quite as violent, I agree it's quite overwhelming in this small space and headache-inducing. And what ever happened to buyers preferring neutral decor so they can picture their own style more easily?

Do all houses in CO have names?

[kavieshana.livejournal.com]

The Dillon: I actually love the green. I like that one-bright-color-against-boring-shades color scheme. It's so modern! The bathroom wallpaper looks like a stock Windows 98 screensaver. You three are so cute in the giggly picture! I love the way you framed the overhead shot of that moody guy.

The Daphne: again, like the colors. Dig the wallpaper, even! The stripes AND the flowers. Is that door thing meant to be art, or do they need a fresh door every week?

The Montgomery: love the orange. We are so divided on the issue of color, smalls. The staircase banister is CLEARLY made for sliding down. Is that dresser split into four bug cubes or four rectangles? That will influence my opinion. How are you not impressed by a mirrored outlet? I like the little mosaic thing underneath it. I can't believe the little boy's bedroom is painted orange too!

Of course they do. Ours is called "Puddle-by-the-Door" remember

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

I liked the green too, in the first three rooms. After that it was just a nonstop slap in the face. It does look like computer wallpaper, doesn't it? The pattern was blown up so large it might have been printed on laserjet paper with loss of resolution.

We liked the stripes. Really? You like those 70's flowers? Ugh. As I said to Michelle above, it was just a storage space for them to raid if they needed doors for any houses on the tour, I assume. No one needs that many back-up doors, unless they live with the Kool-Aid man.

I like orange just fine too, just not on EVERYTHING. I like lots of colors, just not a whole house with just one of them. Sure, you could slide on that banister. It's only about three feet long so it would be a very short trip. The dresser is four rectangles. Cubes would have been better. I like mirrored outlets, just not smack in the center of the mirror. Apparently it's all about context with me. The mosaic thing was a cool little box. The bedroom was pink with orange highlights, which is kind of a nauseating combo (and it's a girl's room, I was being silly).

Whew.

That's an unfortunate but charming name.

[kavieshana.livejournal.com]

I've shown that wallpaper to a few people and got the same response: I hate it. I hate wallpaper. So you win! I'll not budge on my opinion, though-I like it. I'm a fan of wallpaper in half baths and on shelves and bookcases.

Now I'm thinking about how sweet it would be to live with the Kool Aid man. Installing new doors wouldn't be too terrible, but you'd have to develop some serious plastering skills.

Here I was thinking they were torturing that boy.

From Robin O

[(Anonymous)]

(I'm still reading your blog, but I've fallen behind.)

I love the unbridled glee. Makes me wish I was there. I wanna go on a slightly disturbing Parade of Homes!

I don't think houndstooth wants to be a whole wall. I think it might want to be a scarf, or a pillow, and then . . . let it go, just say good bye. I didn't know that before, but I do now. So thanks for that.

Not comprehending this cutesy yet still kinda freakish home naming. Are they saying there are lots of homes modeled after these, in some cookie-cutter sort of way? Like a huge apartment complex, you pick your model? That doesn't seem so model home like, if "model" means something like ideal. I would think a "model" (as in ideal) home would be unique.

And if they are unique, why is it "the" Dillon and "the" Daphne? Why not just Dillon and Daphne? Or sensibly, just their street addresses? You need to know that anyway, right? To get to Dillon(s) and Daphne(s)?

The door collection and the self-determining bureau drawer will haunt me.

Re: From Robin O

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

(So sorry this took so long. I was going to respond, then they put out a distress call at work offering OT and I've been wrapped up in that ever since.)

You're welcome to join us too! Though if we have a large, unruly crowd guffawing loudly at poor design choices, we may get asked to leave and never return.

To me the model names imply a cookie cutter ordering system, although personally if I'm shelling out half a mil for a house, I'd like it to be somewhat unique. But the houses are selling (there were two or three taken off the tour after being sold), so I guess they know what the public wants.

Me as well...me as well.