Apr. 3rd, 2005

grrgoyl: (Tick)
I'm a big fan of the mentally handicapped being given small, simple jobs to enable them to be contributing members of society. But at the risk of sounding unkind, I'm just as much a fan of this employer largesse taking place as far away from me as possible.

Last night we inventoried our downtown Wild Oats. I didn't really consciously notice Steven until Tery tiptoed over to me, a smirk on her face, and she whispered behind her cupped hand, "Do you have Steven's schedule memorized too?" I didn't know what she was talking about, until I realized "Steven" was the mildly slow adult bagger working the checkout close to the aisle we were counting. Not that proximity made any difference where Steven was concerned. Like many with his affliction, Steven had absolutely no volume control on his voice, and loudly repeated the following spiel ad nauseum to anyone within a 20 foot radius. "Hi, I'm Steven. It's nice to meet you. I have to work until 8 tonight, then I have to be back tomorrow again for 1-8." There were variations, of course, but most everyone who crossed Steven's path was treated at the minimum to an unprovoked but quite detailed outline of his work schedule.

It was funny to me at first, but Tery, who had already undergone close to two hours counting the front of the store right next to him, had had as much as she could take. We started discussing the pros and cons of being so forthcoming with this kind of information to complete strangers.

The Bad

Steven remarked a few times after getting the obligatory schedule talk out of the way about how nice people have been to him. Maybe so, Steven, but unfortunately not everyone in this world is nice, or what they seem. It probably wouldn't take much for someone not-so-nice to get not only your work hours but your home address out of you, now that they know you won't be home (not that I believe for a second that Steven lives alone). God, I'm paranoid and cynical, but I'm only a product of my environment.

Yes, Steven is a quaint distraction on the first trip. But honestly, the knowledge that I could expect to see him on a regular basis might be a significant deterrant to me shopping there anymore.

Similarly if I worked there, rest assured I would not be able to tolerate more than one day a week of working anywhere within earshot of him...which unfortunately would eliminate about a third of the store's square footage.

The Good

If Steven should ever forget his schedule, he can ask anyone in the store for it.

Again, knowing exactly when he is working would make it easier to plan my shopping accordingly to avoid him.

After hearing the speech four, five, six and seven times, it would become a very effective incentive to get those fingers moving faster and counting like I've never counted before.

Blessedly, 8:00 finally rolled around. Tery and I wondered if Steven would then walk around the whole store saying goodbye to everyone. We are going straight to H-E-double-hockey-sticks, I tell ya. But at least we'll still be together.




As the fastest counter there, I got to count the checkout stands as usual. This normally doesn't bother me, but in this store it is impossible to gauge the ebb and flow of the tide of customers, thus no matter what time I start it unfortunately always seems to become a hair-raising, heart-pumping marathon race trying to bob and weave in and out to get as much work done as possible before more customers show up. And I swear no sooner do I start working on a closed checkout than a store employee comes along and maliciously opens it on me.

This happened twice last night and I was getting pretty fed up. It's pretty close quarters in the space between stands, and customers are surprisingly unforgiving when it comes to checkout lines. If they can't be close enough to smell the farts of the person in front of them because I'm in the way, they throw a mini-conniption fit. You haven't seen "uppity" until you try to come between some people and their groceries. What are you afraid of, lady? You think someone is going to see a space in front of you and cut in like they do on the freeway? Your purchases are going to get away from you on the conveyor belt and someone else is going to buy them by accident? I'm sorry if you feel threatened by me being in what you feel is rightfully your space, but I assure you I don't care about your stuff nearly as passionately as you seem to. In the words of Tyler, JUST. LET. GO.

This doesn't go on just at the checkout stand. People do it in the aisles with their carts. I've lost count of how many times I've had to stop in the middle of working to move for some moron with abandonment issues who insisted on schlepping their cart all the way into the aisle just to retrieve a can of string beans. I can't decide which is worse, when they do this with the cart full or empty. If they have a baby with them, fine, but otherwise it's JUST FOOD, people. The store stockers aren't going to swoop in and put everything back on the shelves because you walk away from it for 40 seconds. It's not the airport where you'll be quizzed later about leaving your belongings unattended. And no one else is going to come along and take it to buy themselves. JUST. LET. GO.

I feel better getting this off my chest. Or maybe it's just my special new Tick icon, which is extra-appropriate for my inventory post because in it he is trying to count (unsuccessfully. How I love that big blue dolt of justice).
grrgoyl: (Tick)
I had to work in Castle Rock tonight. It's only 22 miles south from me, yet it's a commute I hate and dread the most out of all the places I travel in Denver. The posted speed limit is 75, so naturally the average speed of traffic is around 90. I know this because I drive in the middle lane somewhere between 75-80, and people blow past me irritatedly like I was a blue hair out for a Sunday drive. This strip of I-25 is the closest we can come to wormhole technology and still remain on the same planet. Only 22 miles, yet it seems there is an accident on this stretch serious enough to close the entire highway down at least once a week. Some people simply can't be trusted with a speed limit of more than 55. This is where a month ago I was being dangerously tailgated (again, in the middle lane. The passing lane was completely empty) and I temporarily foreswore my resolution not to apply my brakes as a warning. The guy had to slam his on so hard I could see smoke coming from the tires and he actually had to swerve violently to avoid me. Yeah, get the message, asswipe? Use the fucking passing lane if I'm cramping your style so bad. Thanks to my friendly reminder, he did.

This month I was playing the usual 10 rounds of Daytona 500 on the way down, and it was with relief that I saw my exit coming up and got into the right lane. Out of nowhere this guy came rocketing up behind me, going at least 100, and at the last possible second jumped into the breakdown lane to pass me on the right. Ummm, illegal on SOOO many levels. I barely got an adequate curse out of my mouth, though, when he overcompensated and his tire hit the embankment, making the car roll at least four times, coming to rest only to explode in a spectacular display of pyrotechnics. The driver was trapped inside and slowly burned alive before anyone could get to him.*

You damn kids need to slow down.

It also hit me today how growing old means slowly losing touch with the music scene. Sure, I can still pick Billy Joe Armstrong out of a lineup, and I can recognize a Tool song from 50 paces (wait...or is it A Perfect Circle?) But I realized if not for movie soundtracks (like the very fine Garden State for instance), I'd be exclusively stuck in the 80's/90's. I realize bands like Modest Mouse and The White Stripes are somewhat big, but to me they are just names on my friends page. Even Tery is more musically evolved than me now, buying bands like Queens of the Stone Age and The Shins. But I also wonder if I left the music behind or if it left me? Because even when I was driving to work daily and had access to radio stations, they played the same recycled crap over and over so much I was forced to flee to talk radio, surely a sign of old age. I noticed even then I preferred to listen to old Cure rather than new Korn. So I don't take all the blame. I think a lot of bands today are boring and derivative, or at least the ones that get air play.

Can one of you nice kids come and rub some Ben-Gay into my shoulders?

*It would reeeeeeeeeeeally have made my day had this been true.

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