These are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood...

[grrgoyl]

Here it is, the long-awaited crackwhore/other neighbor story I mentioned a few posts ago (for both of you still on the edge of your seats).

I was ambushed the other day by the neighbor across the way from us, affectionately known as The Alcoholic. When I say "across the way" I mean in the neighboring building with a balcony facing ours. And when I say "The Alcoholic," well, I would think that shouldn't require too much explanation. Before you think me too harsh, this is a woman who managed to not once but TWICE somehow lock herself out on her balcony while under the influence (and when I say "somehow" I mean that unless she's done some fancy updating, the units come with standard sliding glass doors that lock only from the inside, and then only with considerable manual effort). Rumor has it she made a statement to the effect that she honestly believes her "tax dollars" put emergency personnel at her disposal to rescue her from such sticky situations caused by inebriation-induced stupidity. Maybe, maybe not, but I would lose sleep at night thinking someone's house might have burned down while firefighters were saving me from my own idiocy. And after the second time I would high-tail it to the first AA meeting I could find. Wouldn't you?

She pulled me aside on my way to my car just to bitch about the Crackwhore.

"WHEN are they going to finish all that construction?" she whispered exasperatedly.

"I don't know, but I can't wait, because then they will be gone."

"What do you mean?" she asked, searching my face with her half-crazy eyes.

"Well, they're fixing it up to sell it," I explained, surprised she hadn't already heard about it.

She theatrically clutched at my arm, "Don't tease me like that. Really?"

"Yes, really," I said, trying to back away slowly.

"Oh, thank god," she said, now clutching at her throat theatrically, "That's the best news I've heard all year!"

Keep in mind please that I mentioned she lives in the NEIGHBORING building, i.e. not connected to us in any way. When has she had to listen to the dogs galloping up the stairs at 2 a.m.? When has she had what sounds like steel-toed workboots tossed at her adjacent walls? When has she had to endure months and months of daily, repeated door slamming, hard enough to shake her furniture? When has she had her door knocked on at midnight by people so desperate for a fix they couldn't get the unit number right? When has she listened to the endless drone of drilling into the wall for hours on end? When has she listened to the sound of appliances being dragged up and down the stairs at 10:00 at night? Or been awakened at 7 a.m. by them levelling the door frame for TWO SOLID DAYS?

The answer to every last one of these questions is of course "Never." So don't tell ME it's the best news you've heard all year. I think I know more about it than you do.

Tery and I are hoping she'll have an Open House when she's finished. Based on the amount of work going on, I picture the "before" unit resembling in many ways Mother Superior's heroin den in Trainspotting.

I know I previously promised the possibility of full frontal nudity, but believe me, if you've ever seen The Alcoholic you'd thank me for leaving it out.

Comments

[mooselet.livejournal.com]

I really like your style of writing in this. The "when I say" explanations in the first paragraph had me grinning, wider with each repetition. The dialogue was very well done, and I especially like the descriptions of The Alcoholic's half-crazy eyes and theatrical gestures.

I did feel gypped by the lack of full frontal, but that was before I realized it would be of The Alcoholic. *shudder*

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank you....and your welcome!