First entry ever...all about Alan

[grrgoyl]

Alan as the Emcee!

Dark, decadent, and highly sensual, he'll certainly
be the master of your ceremonies. Since
it's only a one-night-stand, you're both in it
solely for the kicks and the licks. Besides, he
doesn't care much.


What is Your Alan Cumming Erotic Fantasy?
brought to you by Quizilla


Okay, here it is, my first LJ entry. I am usually a very private person and have to get used to the idea of writing things that others can read. On the other hand, I have been told repeatedly by my doting mother that I am a fantastic writer and have missed my true calling in life.

To start with, this will mostly be about Alan Cumming, the most recent and most engulfing passion of my life (as celebrity fixations go, that is). I am a little ashamed to admit that I never gave him a second thought until I saw him as Nightcrawler in X-Men 2. Even as I watched the movie I didn't think much about him, but after leaving the theater and composing my review for my friends (I have an obligation to my moviegoing public, you see) I discovered that his performance left the strongest impression on me, the depth and sensitivity he brought to the character even under layers of makeup and special effects. Looking through my DVD collection, I dug out a couple of movies I knew he was in, and somewhere between "Titus" and "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion," I had fallen. No, not just love. My problem is I am 100% an Aries, and as such tend to throw myself into things rather headlong, some might even say to the extreme. And when something (or someone) catches my interest, it sometimes is a few very short steps to all-consuming obsession.

Another drawback to being an Aries is I can't hide my feelings or lie very well, so after a few days my new love had become painfully obvious to Tery, my girlfriend and partner of 10 years. When I first met her I identified as bisexual, having had mostly boyfriends and in fact only one girlfriend before her, but over the years I thought my attraction to boys was mostly dead, so started calling myself a lesbian. I have had a smattering of crushes on some male co-workers since then, one of them fairly serious, but never enough for anything to come of it. She has made it clear the only transgression I could commit that would make her leave me would be to sleep with a man again. She feels she can't compete with men inasmuch as they have body parts she doesn't. But after so many years of me being very female-oriented, she couldn't understand this new flame I was burning for a man. It didn't matter that the man in question was a movie star, or that he lived in New York/London (we live in Denver), she was utterly confused and dismayed by my newly rediscovered bisexuality. The jokes began, with her enlisting the support of her lesbian coworker. This is the plight of the bisexual: we get contempt and misunderstanding from both sides, from people insisting we choose a team. It has been said by others before me, I am sure, I am not attracted to body parts, I am attracted to the person.

It didn't take much research on the internet to learn that Alan was bi as well (I at first thought he was gay based solely on a pic of him on the cover of Out magazine, and my heart sank....as if I ever actually stood a chance with him either way.....see the irrational thinking that accompanies my strongest obsessions......) and this realization cemented my feelings for him. We were the same, with the same misunderstood desires. I became ravenous, I wanted to see everything he was ever in, read every interview he has ever done, look at every picture ever taken of him. As I pored over fan sites and photo galleries, it struck me that physically he was very similar to every boy I ever wanted, with an ineffable blend of the masculine and the feminine. Perhaps this is a result of my identity, I am drawn to women with a vaguely masculine quality, and vice versa for men. I'm not talking about overt traits that make people caricatures and stereotypes, but rather something more subtle. In women it is a confidence, strength and physical presence that "femmy" women are afraid to express. In men, it is a grace and sensitivity that "manly" men would rather die than reveal. I believe a person is more complete if they can incorporate the yin and the yang.

::::sigh:::::: That is enough for now, I think. I have to work tomorrow as usual. Maybe I will pick this up later, maybe these are just meaningless ramblings that aren't going anywhere. Which I suppose is the purpose for a journal.

Peace

Comments

[metatronis.livejournal.com]

Would you my friend? I wanna read your ramblings.

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

I would *love* to have you as a friend. But only if I can be yours ^-^

-=Elaine=-

[mooselet.livejournal.com]

Hi sweetie. Mind if I stalk?

I became ravenous, I wanted to see everything he was ever in, read every interview he has ever done, look at every picture ever taken of him.

This is exactly how I was/am about him. And only after X2, too! I can obsess with the best of them.

Are you shocked and amazed that my quiz result was also the Emcee?

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

Eeek! My stalker!!

You started on X2 too? No you didn't. You couldn't. *looking under the bed for Rod Serling*

[mooselet.livejournal.com]

I saw him on SNL a year or so ago, and he was really cute and charming, but I wasn't swept off my feet by him until I saw Nightie's eyelashes. I was a goner!

Um, you keep Rod Serling under your bed?

[grrgoyl.livejournal.com]

the lashes, yes. Funny you should mention that, that was what I noticed with my latest viewing. He has the most gorgeous eyelashes. I think they are what give him his slightly feminine appearance for me. They are longer than mine, for crying out loud!

Yes, I have Rod Serling's cadaver under my bed (he is dead, isn't he?) Tery complains about the smell, maybe that's why she sleeps in the living room. :\