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grrgoylAnother holiday and another party at Tery's co-workers' house. The dramatis personae were a bit different tonight than usual, however.
Tim -- Tim was brought to the party by "Two-Date" Tabby (I assume I was date #2, although I barely saw her all night. Every time I did she had a cigarette perched rakishly behind one ear, even while smoking a second one. She didn't care too much when I pointed out how idiotic this made her look). Tim was a nice guy, but very easily mortified when he misunderstood my introduction as "Tery's partner." It only took a second to sink in, but he looked like he wanted to crawl into a corner and die. Instead he spent the next hour talking my ear off about his computer troubles and how he was trying to start his own security system installation business. And he wasn't even drunk.
Audrey -- I met Audrey once before...she is married to the hot air balloon from last Halloween. She spent the first half of the party fawning over my new hairstyle (well, new to HER), to the point of it becoming embarrassing. Then she transitioned into dotingly remarking about what a cute couple Tery and I made, when truthfully Tery spends the whole time cooking and I spend it socializing with others so we are hardly ever in the same room together. Later Tery broke out some video she took of her father (who is quite the small-time celebrity among Tery's friends. It's like they've never seen a big, drunk Polish man before) and Audrey sat beside me, regarding me pityingly.
"It must be hard for you to see this, huh Elaine?"
"What? No, not really...."
"But the trip back East must have been really hard, wasn't it?"
"Ummmm, no...."
I mentioned this to Tery later and she figures Audrey uses that little trick to remember people by associating them with one crucial fact. My association in her mind is clearly, "Elaine = Dead Father." Whereas I appreciate her concern for me, it is a tiny bit misplaced: it's been 5 years, I'm not exactly grief-stricken anymore. Not to come across as a heartless, uncaring monster.
Finally Kay -- she was the highlight for me in terms of annoying party guests. Kay is another doctor at the hospital. Kay has somewhat of a history with Tabby that I'm not going into here. She also has taken quite a shine to Tery after her history with Tabby got ugly. She was the one who brought Tery out for a pre-wedding makeover, giving her a girly, curly hairdo and getting her eyebrows plucked, both of which Tery seems intent on maintaining. It's not that I mind Kay helping Tery; Tery seems to be happier with her looks, even if they do require an extra 20 minutes in front of the mirror every morning. But neither of them seem to understand that I liked Tery just fine before her makeover. Like I keep insisting to no one in particular, "I didn't marry a femme." I feel just a little tiny bit like someone whose partner gets a sex change, at the risk of overdramatizing it. I fell in love with this person who now looks like someone else. Not totally different, but different enough.
Kay crossed the line into unbearably annoying, however, when she started running her fingers through my hair and insisting that a little sprucing up wouldn't hurt me either. I assured her I was perfectly happy with how I looked, thank you very much. She wouldn't drop it though, her voice taking on a shrill intensity that might or might not have been the product of too many alcoholic beverages, "BUT YOU'RE A GIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRL!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH LOOKING LIKE A GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL??!!?!!?!?" I'm sure she has no idea how close she came to being bitch slapped hard enough to ensure her children are born bruised. I tried one last time to explain that I had been a tomboy all my life and I was more than comfortable continuing as such, but there's no reasoning with the toxically inebriated. Fortunately she did eventually leave me alone and stayed away from me for the rest of the party.
It was exactly as Tabby put it: "You're so beautiful, Elaine. But I could make you so much better!!"
Although for one so full to brimming with cosmetic tips for others, that doesn't explain why she herself can't tan properly -- her face was so uniformly and comically sunburnt it was impossible to avoid drawing comparisons with a certain famous New England shellfish.
What bothered me even more than her inexplicable desire to alter my appearance was her obvious self-centeredness. After several requests Tery brought out the CT video, which started with the very same outing she took with Kay to the salon. Kay was all over this, shrieking and laughing and filling in the audience on what SHE was up to off camera while Tery was being made over. But the minute we got to the part with Tery's father, she vanished so fast she might have evaporated into thin air, if we could be so lucky. If she wasn't in the video she had no interest in it. Whenever I overheard her talking that night, it was always, "Me, me, me" and "I, I, I." Which might explain why she has such a hard time getting a second date with a man.
Oops, that's my time. Coming soon: Fireworks in Denver and the Insane Clown Posse
Tim -- Tim was brought to the party by "Two-Date" Tabby (I assume I was date #2, although I barely saw her all night. Every time I did she had a cigarette perched rakishly behind one ear, even while smoking a second one. She didn't care too much when I pointed out how idiotic this made her look). Tim was a nice guy, but very easily mortified when he misunderstood my introduction as "Tery's partner." It only took a second to sink in, but he looked like he wanted to crawl into a corner and die. Instead he spent the next hour talking my ear off about his computer troubles and how he was trying to start his own security system installation business. And he wasn't even drunk.
Audrey -- I met Audrey once before...she is married to the hot air balloon from last Halloween. She spent the first half of the party fawning over my new hairstyle (well, new to HER), to the point of it becoming embarrassing. Then she transitioned into dotingly remarking about what a cute couple Tery and I made, when truthfully Tery spends the whole time cooking and I spend it socializing with others so we are hardly ever in the same room together. Later Tery broke out some video she took of her father (who is quite the small-time celebrity among Tery's friends. It's like they've never seen a big, drunk Polish man before) and Audrey sat beside me, regarding me pityingly.
"It must be hard for you to see this, huh Elaine?"
"What? No, not really...."
"But the trip back East must have been really hard, wasn't it?"
"Ummmm, no...."
I mentioned this to Tery later and she figures Audrey uses that little trick to remember people by associating them with one crucial fact. My association in her mind is clearly, "Elaine = Dead Father." Whereas I appreciate her concern for me, it is a tiny bit misplaced: it's been 5 years, I'm not exactly grief-stricken anymore. Not to come across as a heartless, uncaring monster.
Finally Kay -- she was the highlight for me in terms of annoying party guests. Kay is another doctor at the hospital. Kay has somewhat of a history with Tabby that I'm not going into here. She also has taken quite a shine to Tery after her history with Tabby got ugly. She was the one who brought Tery out for a pre-wedding makeover, giving her a girly, curly hairdo and getting her eyebrows plucked, both of which Tery seems intent on maintaining. It's not that I mind Kay helping Tery; Tery seems to be happier with her looks, even if they do require an extra 20 minutes in front of the mirror every morning. But neither of them seem to understand that I liked Tery just fine before her makeover. Like I keep insisting to no one in particular, "I didn't marry a femme." I feel just a little tiny bit like someone whose partner gets a sex change, at the risk of overdramatizing it. I fell in love with this person who now looks like someone else. Not totally different, but different enough.
Kay crossed the line into unbearably annoying, however, when she started running her fingers through my hair and insisting that a little sprucing up wouldn't hurt me either. I assured her I was perfectly happy with how I looked, thank you very much. She wouldn't drop it though, her voice taking on a shrill intensity that might or might not have been the product of too many alcoholic beverages, "BUT YOU'RE A GIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRL!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH LOOKING LIKE A GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL??!!?!!?!?" I'm sure she has no idea how close she came to being bitch slapped hard enough to ensure her children are born bruised. I tried one last time to explain that I had been a tomboy all my life and I was more than comfortable continuing as such, but there's no reasoning with the toxically inebriated. Fortunately she did eventually leave me alone and stayed away from me for the rest of the party.
It was exactly as Tabby put it: "You're so beautiful, Elaine. But I could make you so much better!!"
Although for one so full to brimming with cosmetic tips for others, that doesn't explain why she herself can't tan properly -- her face was so uniformly and comically sunburnt it was impossible to avoid drawing comparisons with a certain famous New England shellfish.
What bothered me even more than her inexplicable desire to alter my appearance was her obvious self-centeredness. After several requests Tery brought out the CT video, which started with the very same outing she took with Kay to the salon. Kay was all over this, shrieking and laughing and filling in the audience on what SHE was up to off camera while Tery was being made over. But the minute we got to the part with Tery's father, she vanished so fast she might have evaporated into thin air, if we could be so lucky. If she wasn't in the video she had no interest in it. Whenever I overheard her talking that night, it was always, "Me, me, me" and "I, I, I." Which might explain why she has such a hard time getting a second date with a man.
Oops, that's my time. Coming soon: Fireworks in Denver and the Insane Clown Posse
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Date: 2005-07-06 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-06 06:57 am (UTC)