grrgoyl

Chris is one of my co-workers. He is also one of the (I wish I could say few but I can't) people who got off on completely the wrong foot with me. I must say, however, he is by far the hardest worker at recovering from this mistake I have ever seen. So hard in fact I sometimes question his motives.

My biggest problem with Chris, as is the case with most people who meet/work with him, is his limitless capacity for complaining. This boy can strip paint off the walls with the ferocity of his complaining. I will begrudgingly admit I used to complain a bit before he started working here, but seeing how deathly annoying it is from the outside I turned over a new leaf toot sweet. There is nothing like going to a store at 5 a.m. that is clearly missing 3/4 of the crew and having someone there whining and pointing out the obvious flaws in the situation to all present, with no regard to the fact that no one is responding to him, in fact we are all silently praying that a large cartoon foot or anvil descends from the sky and squashes him into a wet puddle on the floor (or at least, that was what I was wishing). I don't believe in most New Age mumbo-jumbo, but the negative energy he generates is tangible. He complains so much I feel quite violent toward him, which I blame on this negative energy. And at 5 a.m. it isn't always easy for me to keep these violent sentiments bottled up inside. Most of the time I just walk away and get on with my work (preferably as far from him as possible) but on rare occasions I do come out and tell him just what I am thinking. He always reacts with a complete lack of understanding, as if he thinks we are all enjoying his pointless little diatribes. This is proof of his alarmingly distorted view of reality, brought sharply into focus when he had the nerve to tell me that he thought that I complained much more than he did. I reacted with cool amusement, appearing to mull this statement over. I suggested we take a little poll among our co-workers to see what they said. He thought I was joking but I have been doing just that. Once the laughter dies down, they repeatedly assure me that he is insane (or "out of his tree" as one put it).

On the few occasions when he is relatively content and able to concentrate on something besides his miserable existence, we actually have interesting discussions. I hate to admit it but he is really quite intelligent, and our tastes in movies are almost identical; I was also pleasantly surprised when not only had he heard of Alan Cumming, but he thought he was a fine actor (but undeniably gay, he said >:(. But the problem with talking to him is that a conversation with Chris is like a microcosm of entire relationships I have had with some guys; he lures me in with charisma, wit and flattery, then somewhere something goes horribly awry and he becomes an asshole. It is hard to explain as most of the time the transition is so subtle that it always takes me by surprise. I think what happens is he gets bored and deliberately makes a statement he knows will lead to controversy just to spice up the conversation a little. For instance, I have always been quite open about my relationship with Tery around him (as I usually am around most people), and I think he is a little fascinated by an honest-to-goodness lesbian in his midst. (I did clarify that I was bisexual and he claimed he had never heard of people going "both ways." He is generally very openminded, although he did suggest perhaps I just never met the "right man." I argued that maybe he hadn't either. Touche.) Back when he had a girlfriend he would actually approach me for advice in handling her when they were having a disagreement to get a unique perspective. That was why I was totally blindsided when we were discussing gay marriage back when it was in all the news, and he expressed the very bigoted and blatantly generalized belief that gay men shouldn't be allowed to adopt children because they were "all" promiscuous and cared only about sex, and couldn't provide a stable, safe home for a child. I have no idea if he really thinks this or was just trying to get a rise out of me. I tried briefly to defend my gay brothers, but along with these antagonistic moods of his usually comes an obstinate refusal to listen to reason so I gave up fairly quickly.

He also has the infuriating habit that if he learns I like something, he starts subtly degrading it, as if it were a weakness and he is pouncing on it just to get to me. Perfect case in point, during one of our more benign conversations I was seized by a second of madness and told him how much I loved this band, Kill Hannah, after hearing I Wanna be a Kennedy on the radio. He was fine that day but then started bringing them up on subsequent days for the sole purpose of ranking on them. The funny thing is that sometimes he is so singlemindedly bent on pushing my buttons that he actually contradicts himself.....for instance, first he asked, "If they are so 'great', why haven't I heard of them yet?" (read: If they were worth listening to, they would be played on all the mainstream radio stations by now.) Then later that same day he said "I am surprised you heard them on KTCL, (note: my new favorite radio station, but I am not very inclined to point that out to him now) they are way too corporate for my tastes." (read: I am too cool to listen to mainstream stations, but also unwilling to give an unknown band a chance before ever hearing one of their songs since I am obviously pissing you off.) In an act of desperation I actually let him goad me into singing a few bars of Kennedy for him: " I wanna be a Kennedy / I wanna be tall and handsome..." His response? He began listing all the Kennedys that were neither tall nor handsome, thus proving it was a silly song.

After exchanges like this I have no choice but to cease all discussion with him completely for a few hours, if not the rest of the day, in the interest of keeping my job.

Thus I was a little mystified the other night when he began by telling me that he was a little happy when he worked with me. I laughed scornfully, sensing a setup, and said if that were true it was only because I am a fast counter. He protested, saying how much he enjoyed my company. When I expressed disbelief at this statement he asked if "full disclosure" was always required for me to know that he liked me as a person. I said I didn't really care if he liked me or not. He answered, "I know. That's what I like about you."

It is almost a pity I am not remotely physically attracted to him, or this could be quite interesting.

-=Lainey=-