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Cloverfield, in 10 words or less (not counting these), is about a gigantic alien stomping through Manhattan, Godzilla-style. Which tells you nothing at all about why I thought this movie was so very awesome, why I almost went back to see it a second time while I was pointedly ignoring the Super Bowl, why I can't WAIT for the DVD (perhaps even more than Sweeney Todd). Let me start at the beginning.

I knew as much about this movie as anyone else, thanks to J.J. Abrams' "stealth marketing" campaign. For Tery and I, we needed no other incentive apart from Abrams' name being stuck to it -- we adore Lost and all the twisty, turny, surprise-y "No fucking WAY" moments it contains. Still, I found Tery's interest in a monster movie a bit suspect before realizing that it takes place in New York and therefore she was hoping for some scenes of her beloved Central Park. Guilty as charged, she confessed. Sometimes I swear she loves that damn park more than me.

This movie heavily, heavily reminded me of Blair Witch Project, a movie I loved but a comparison to which might turn most others off. It's okay, you actually see the creature(s) in this one. Filmed 100% on a handheld DV camcorder, the jittery movement takes some getting used to (Ryan's friends had to leave, they never got over it), but once the action starts, the technique becomes instead a brilliant way of keeping you there in the middle of things rather than removed and detached. It's also led me to the tentative belief that it's far more effective watching people's terrified reactions than just being shown the scary stimulus alone.

Never fear, I solemnly vow to cut before spoiling.

The movie begins with a military title slide, explaining that the tape was found in the "formerly Central Park" area (This of course made Tery sit up and take notice immediately). Just like Blair Witch, you know from the beginning that whoever took the video probably didn't have a happy ending. Also similar to BW, the beginning of the tape is just boring setup, in this case a going-away party for one of a group of look-alike Yuppies whose promotion is sending him to Japan. Not terribly exciting, but for the fact that the circle of friends at the party is larger than my circle of people I know in the entire world, and judging from the size, decor and location of the apartment, they would all have had to live there to afford the rent. Unfortunately, the only person at the party I COULD tell apart from the others (the lovably bizarre Marmaduke from "Carpoolers" (ABC Tuesdays, check local listings, bitches)) is put behind the camera for "testimonial duty" and ends up wielding it throughout the rest of the movie.

There's a small attempt at giving them emotional depth in the form of a cheating one-night stand between two of them, but this doesn't have much time to develop before the monster hits.

An earth-moving, booming crash shakes the city, so naturally the partygoers all run into the street. An oil tanker has been capsized and Lady Liberty's head is skidding down Park Avenue, an image that was quite chilling before Tery pointed out how ridiculously small it was (check out the spoilers section for more ways Tery tried to suck the joy out of this film for me). Panic in the streets ensues in an obvious parallel with 9/11. New Yorkers stand dumbfoundedly staring into the distance until the appearance of the enormous alien provides sufficient motivation, something else difficult to believe of anyone who lived through the fall of the towers. "Perhaps they're all newly-arrived immigrants fresh off the boat," Tery murmured.

In the confusion our partygoers are whittled down to a core group of heroes, who start to make it off the island until Rob (the guest of honor) gets a call from his girlfriend who's trapped in her apartment and can't move. Hence the reason they all must head back towards the monster, because who wants to see a movie about people making it to safety unscathed?

( ::Manhattan doesn't contain any foreign, obese, handicapped or homeless people:: )

They finally make it to Central Park, where disappointingly (from Tery's perspective) we see only a stretch of grass and the underside of an undetermined bridge (she questions whether what we saw even WAS the park, since they didn't thank the Conservancy in the credits, something she insists they are legally obligated to do). To say anything more at this point would be to give away the ending, which I won't do.

Yes, there are some moments that don't strictly hold up to logic. Yes, it is at the heart simply a monster movie that probably sounds silly and like a waste of time based solely on a description. There's no commentary on the human condition or current events, just people running for their lives. None of this matters to me because this movie scared me. I mean adrenaline rush, gripping the arms of my seat scared me. I mean at times jumping OUT of my seat scared me. Like walked out of the theater with a huge grin on my face scared me (and also made me glad to live in Denver -- no one ever tries to destroy Denver). Feeling that genuine kind of fear during a movie is becoming increasingly rare, and therefore increasingly priceless, for me. For such a low budget, the effects were very well done, even the creatures. As I said earlier, the handheld technique added to the feeling of immediacy and jeopardy -- even if another logistical impossibility is the existence of a camera battery that lasts not only through a party, but presumably hours of running around New York (even after using night vision in the tunnels).

Tery rolled her eyes. She said she felt nothing, that she'd only be that scared if the Patriots were trailing four points in the Super Bowl -- prophetically, she got to experience her own idea of fear later in the evening. She called me saying she "wished the Cloverfield monster WOULD destroy New York" after the Giants won. Sore loser much?

This one gets a 5/5, a score I don't hand out often.